zkara

I was in the same situation. We were living together for 8 years. Yes, we talked about marriage 'sometime' in the future.. since our 2nd year together. Towards the 4th year, I was getting really impatient. I ignored the fact that I was not completely satisfied with the situation for the next 4 years. I finally just decided to leave him. He took it as an ultimatum and came back at me with discussions of a marriage.. I had to tell him, sorry, too late.

I broke his heart. We were great together. Nothing wrong with us. We had lived together for so long, we knew how to synchronize with each other so well. We were 1 unit. Our families had already accepted us as family. Our friends.. referred to us as 1.. we never went anywhere without each other. We shared everything. We were just not married. He couldn't understand why I left. Until today.. he's still struggling to move on. It's been 6 months now.

I struggled for months trying to make up my mind if I'm making the biggest mistake of my life leaving him. He's perfect. He's such a decent guy, he's fun, he's good-looking, he's successful, he's responsible, he's hard-working, he's good to his family, he's good to everyone, he's kind, he's trustworthy, he's a perfect A+++.. if there's such a thing. I know I can never find another guy like him.

But.. all I kept telling myself was, if he wanted to marry you, he would have proposed since the very beginning. I don't believe in 'let's make sure our lives are settled first' or 'let's make sure we have our careers taken care of first'.
A proposal is a promise. The marriage can come later... lets say..after we take care of our careers..blah blah blah...all that jazz.

I do believe that a promise is quite important. I'm 29. I've been with him through all of my twenties. I really shouldn't have given up on him or not given him a chance at all. But, I'm not turning back. Let it be a lesson learned. I'm moving on. I'm seeing someone. And, I'm not letting myself get into that situation again. I think he took it for granted that we lived together and I won't be leaving him for such a 'silly' reason. Well, I did. And I'm not moving in with anyone anymore. I am not letting anyone take me for granted ever again.

So, it really depends on what kinda guy he is. Mine, I could have given him a push and all would have been fine. But I really didn't want that hanging over my head when we do get married...'Oh..ya..I had to push him into it..' and I didn't want to be the one who proposed.. I'm still a little old-fashioned in the sense that I would prefer the guy asking me...I prefer to think that the guy is so crazy head-over-heels in love with me that he can't think of anything but to ask me to marry him. That was my parting line to him too... and all he could say was.. 'But..but..I AM crazy about you.. '

Blah..this turned out too long. Not much help, but I guess comparing stories might give you some different perspectives.