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Rubyee · 10-16-2005, 11:29 AM

Sorry, the title was a little vague.

I have been dating Ryan for over three years now, and we have lived together for the majority of that time. I am ready to be engaged, and he tells me that he is ready for marriage, too.

The problem is, he hasn't asked. I honestly think he is just too comfortable to ask. It is sort of like the buying the cow theory. We already live together and have sex and everything, and neither of us are ready for kids, so what would the difference be?

Well, it matters to me. In this society, married couples are treated differently than non-married couples. I could get him on my health insurance so that we could afford to get him new contact lenses. I could tell people that I am married and not tell them that I am living with my boyfriend so that they take me more seriously. And more importantly, I just want to be married.

I could wait. Sure, nothing big will change. But the fact is, if he isn't going to ever be ready to marry me, then I would like to find someone who will be. I love him with all my heart, and it would be hard to be with someone new, but this is a big issue for me. Sort of a dealbreaker. I don't want to stay with him for another ten years if we are never going to get married.

I have brought it up in the past. Like he said- he wants to get married. But nothing ever comes of these discussions.

Meanwhile, everyone around us is tying the knot. Even his little sister has plans of getting married after she graduates college- which is another issue. Everyone in his family treats our relationship as if it is unimportant because we have not exchanged rings. I am getting sick of that as well.

This may sound contradictory, but I also don't want to force him into anything. Ten years from now, I don't want him to be able to say "I only married you so that you wouldn't leave me" or something similar. I also don't want to tell my future children that daddy didn't propose, but that mommy drug him to the courthouse.

So what are your thoughts, women?

Ultimatum?
Wait?
Get over it?
Propose to him (this sounds really unappealing to me)?

Let me know what you think. I am getting impatient.

10-16-2005, 11:29 AM	#1 (permalink)
Rubyee I'm baaaaack!	What are your thoughts on being engaged? Sorry, the title was a little vague. I have been dating Ryan for over three years now, and we have lived together for the majority of that time. I am ready to be engaged, and he tells me that he is ready for marriage, too. The problem is, he hasn't asked. I honestly think he is just too comfortable to ask. It is sort of like the buying the cow theory. We already live together and have sex and everything, and neither of us are ready for kids, so what would the difference be? Well, it matters to me. In this society, married couples are treated differently than non-married couples. I could get him on my health insurance so that we could afford to get him new contact lenses. I could tell people that I am married and not tell them that I am living with my boyfriend so that they take me more seriously. And more importantly, I just want to be married. I could wait. Sure, nothing big will change. But the fact is, if he isn't going to ever be ready to marry me, then I would like to find someone who will be. I love him with all my heart, and it would be hard to be with someone new, but this is a big issue for me. Sort of a dealbreaker. I don't want to stay with him for another ten years if we are never going to get married. I have brought it up in the past. Like he said- he wants to get married. But nothing ever comes of these discussions. Meanwhile, everyone around us is tying the knot. Even his little sister has plans of getting married after she graduates college- which is another issue. Everyone in his family treats our relationship as if it is unimportant because we have not exchanged rings. I am getting sick of that as well. This may sound contradictory, but I also don't want to force him into anything. Ten years from now, I don't want him to be able to say "I only married you so that you wouldn't leave me" or something similar. I also don't want to tell my future children that daddy didn't propose, but that mommy drug him to the courthouse. So what are your thoughts, women? Ultimatum? Wait? Get over it? Propose to him (this sounds really unappealing to me)? Let me know what you think. I am getting impatient. __________________ You don't know from fun.