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aberkok · 10-14-2005, 09:39 AM

OK there's been a really unexpected development, which is very good. We just had a big talk over a bottle of wine and aired all our grievances to each other.

Basically what was happening is that I didn't feel comfortable telling them what my problem was. This festered in my soul for a while and eventually it was no secret that I didn't like them. Then they started thinking I was an asshole and they were reacting in kind to that.

Tonight I apologized for acting that way while simultaneously expressing what my problems were. It was hard to come out and say, but the gist of what we decided was that we are all different musicians and we will never fully agree upon "what should happen" in any given tune. Also I was insecure about my mistakes, thinking I was pissing them off by making them (which it turns out I wasn't). We were all so afraid of making each other mad that we weren't being honest with each other.

Of course I was the one to bring this up. That bothers me a little bit, and I'm proud of myself for having the courage to pull this festering band-aid off (and it was a band-aid on an amputation). Even though I feel like the initiation of this huge talk shouldn't have been my responsibility, I am pretty confident that we can finish this contract anger free, and I'm grateful that I won't be despairing before each of the last 13 gigs.

You guys have all been very helpful and I was afraid I'd come across as yet another "help please," thread, but I am so grateful for the time and effort you've put into sharing your similar experiences. I hope that anyone with similar experiences will still chime in. The discussion doesn't have to end with my problem being solved (which I really hope it is).

10-14-2005, 09:39 AM	#8 (permalink)
aberkok “Wrong is right.” Location: toronto	OK there's been a really unexpected development, which is very good. We just had a big talk over a bottle of wine and aired all our grievances to each other. Basically what was happening is that I didn't feel comfortable telling them what my problem was. This festered in my soul for a while and eventually it was no secret that I didn't like them. Then they started thinking I was an asshole and they were reacting in kind to that. Tonight I apologized for acting that way while simultaneously expressing what my problems were. It was hard to come out and say, but the gist of what we decided was that we are all different musicians and we will never fully agree upon "what should happen" in any given tune. Also I was insecure about my mistakes, thinking I was pissing them off by making them (which it turns out I wasn't). We were all so afraid of making each other mad that we weren't being honest with each other. Of course I was the one to bring this up. That bothers me a little bit, and I'm proud of myself for having the courage to pull this festering band-aid off (and it was a band-aid on an amputation). Even though I feel like the initiation of this huge talk shouldn't have been my responsibility, I am pretty confident that we can finish this contract anger free, and I'm grateful that I won't be despairing before each of the last 13 gigs. You guys have all been very helpful and I was afraid I'd come across as yet another "help please," thread, but I am so grateful for the time and effort you've put into sharing your similar experiences. I hope that anyone with similar experiences will still chime in. The discussion doesn't have to end with my problem being solved (which I really hope it is). __________________ !check out my new blog! http://arkanamusic.wordpress.com Warden Gentiles: "It? Perfectly innocent. But I can see how, if our roles were reversed, I might have you beaten with a pillowcase full of batteries."