I did some searches to try and figure out what to do with this… but they didn’t help enough. I’m still unsure of how to feel. However, if you’d like to direct me to a helpful thread, please do.
My SO and I have been together for about 8 months now, and every aspect of our relationship has been absolutely marvelous—except for one thing.
I am feeling as though already my SO’s masturbation habits are almost “replacing” our sex life. Lately, he’s been pretty busy with school and work, so we definitely don’t get to see one another as often as we’d like to, so it’s been almost as though our sex has to be planned nowadays. Months ago, we were still going to school, he worked just as much, and he took only one less class than he is now. We still managed to have sex pretty often. Over the summer, we didn’t see one another as much, but when we did… again, we still had sex pretty often. That’s all changed for some reason… I think I’m lucky if we even have sex once a week now.
We had a discussion about it about a month ago, and he mentioned to me that he’s usually pretty tired when he has sex with me, or he gets bored from doing the same motion for so long. We’ve tried to think of ways to fix this… though none of those have really been implemented into our sex life yet. Now I find that he masturbates more often than I thought, and I’m getting this “I’m unwanted sexually/physically and unattractive” feeling that I don’t know what to do with.
He claims it’s simply a stress reliever and helps him relax, and that sex is completely different from masturbating for him—he loves me, sex is something for us, it’s something we share, etc. I told him I’m not that busy, and I’m almost always up for sex—even oral sex. Usually, I get no takes on either offer. Yet, I also hear from him that masturbating is just easier and takes up less time. However, I’ve also been told by my SO that he thinks his excessive masturbation is killing his sex drive, and perhaps he needs to stop so that he would be able to have sex with me more often. I get more and more confused after hearing all of these different things from him…
I have absolutely no problem with him masturbating, I just don’t want it to be or become a replacement for sex with me. I was wondering if anyone else has ever had this problem or thinks I’m just completely overreacting… or has any suggestions on how to approach this, or ways to let go of this. Should I simply accept the idea that we’re just “too busy?”
Also—if anyone has any tips on how to improve our sex life when we have such a busy schedule, those would also be very much appreciated.
