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Okay, I've been there and made some MAJOR mistakes while I was there. Learn from my example, please!
A little more than two years ago, lurkette's younger brother was hit by a car and killed. I had no idea how to support her or take care of her. I figured out how to support everyone BUT her pretty fast, but I made the mistake of expecting her to be over it on some specific timeline. When it didn't look like that was happening, I got worried and afraid that she would never come back to me, that we would never be us again, that I'd never have her attention again. I started to pout, complain, pressure her for attention, affection, sex, whatever I felt like I was missing. This didn't help. We're still dealing with the damage I did to our relationship during the months right after Josh's death.
I didn't know at the time that I was doing this--I didn't know I needed to keep any eye on myself for that sort of behavior. I learned a lot about myself, actually, and in that sense, it was a good thing. And you know what? Death changes things. You can't expect it to ever be exactly like it was. Some of those fears I had were right on the money.
The important thing is to know that what you're feeling in any particular moment is okay. That goes for her AND for you.
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