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KellyC · 10-03-2005, 09:16 PM

Thanks for the advices all. After giving it some thoughts, I found out one of the reasons why I can't seem to do well in this aspect with the ladies is that I often say what they don't want to hear or disagree. This actually happened few days ago with a friend of mine and it goes something like this.

Me: I wish I could be more sympathetic like those sensitive guys
Her: But then you wouldn't be you any more

Me: Yeah I would, I'm still me, just more sympathetic.
Her: No you wouldn't, and you wouldn't be my friend any more.

Me: Yes, I would, I'll just be a bit more sympathetic but I'll still be me. And I don't get how you can equate me being more sympathetic to not being your friend.
Her: 'cause you wouldn't be the friend that I've befriended.

Me: What are you talking about? I'm still me.
Her: nevermind....

Me: See, this is EXACTLY why I think I need to be more sympathetic and sensitive.

About the comment about me not being a guy who likes to have long conversations about feelings, it's more like the opportunity doesn't present itself as much as I'd like it to. These kind of talks rarely occurs to me. Most of my life I have mainly guy friends and being typical guys, we don't talk about feelings. So when I started making female friends, and actually got close enough to a rare few that's willing to share their feelings with me, I do not know how to respond.

I also learned that women like it when guys share their feelings with them, but for the life of me I can't. I've been keeping these feelings to myself for so long, and has gotten so good at it, that it's nearly impossible for me to let 'em out, and when I try to, I can barely make coherent sentences. I can do this in writing just fine, and over AIM, but when it comes to actually talking, I can't. There's a part of me that just choke on the words that I want to say. I know what to say in my head, but when I open my mouth, I can't say a damn thing. It's like there's an invisible tape over my mouth. Eventually, I became conscious of this and got extremely nervous, which then lead to more thoughts in my head telling me to not fuck up and just say what I want to say about my feelings, and this just gives me more pressure which further bars me from actually saying anything. I want to make this stop but I have no idea how. Can I get some help on this too? How do I start?

10-03-2005, 09:16 PM	#6 (permalink)
KellyC Comment or else!! Location: Home sweet home	Thanks for the advices all. After giving it some thoughts, I found out one of the reasons why I can't seem to do well in this aspect with the ladies is that I often say what they don't want to hear or disagree. This actually happened few days ago with a friend of mine and it goes something like this. Me: I wish I could be more sympathetic like those sensitive guys Her: But then you wouldn't be you any more Me: Yeah I would, I'm still me, just more sympathetic. Her: No you wouldn't, and you wouldn't be my friend any more. Me: Yes, I would, I'll just be a bit more sympathetic but I'll still be me. And I don't get how you can equate me being more sympathetic to not being your friend. Her: 'cause you wouldn't be the friend that I've befriended. Me: What are you talking about? I'm still me. Her: nevermind.... Me: See, this is EXACTLY why I think I need to be more sympathetic and sensitive. About the comment about me not being a guy who likes to have long conversations about feelings, it's more like the opportunity doesn't present itself as much as I'd like it to. These kind of talks rarely occurs to me. Most of my life I have mainly guy friends and being typical guys, we don't talk about feelings. So when I started making female friends, and actually got close enough to a rare few that's willing to share their feelings with me, I do not know how to respond. I also learned that women like it when guys share their feelings with them, but for the life of me I can't. I've been keeping these feelings to myself for so long, and has gotten so good at it, that it's nearly impossible for me to let 'em out, and when I try to, I can barely make coherent sentences. I can do this in writing just fine, and over AIM, but when it comes to actually talking, I can't. There's a part of me that just choke on the words that I want to say. I know what to say in my head, but when I open my mouth, I can't say a damn thing. It's like there's an invisible tape over my mouth. Eventually, I became conscious of this and got extremely nervous, which then lead to more thoughts in my head telling me to not fuck up and just say what I want to say about my feelings, and this just gives me more pressure which further bars me from actually saying anything. I want to make this stop but I have no idea how. Can I get some help on this too? How do I start? __________________ Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe? Me: Shit happens.