abaya

Dungeon, from your post I thought you were a graduating senior or something. But then I read another post of yours in a different thread, and I saw this... So can you tell us the truth, because it would help me (for one) understand where you are at in terms of emotional development/maturity, just by knowing how far out of high school you are. (I taught high school for a couple of years, so I know how intense the memories of elementary + jr. high seem to people at that age... but by your senior year+ of college, that stuff becomes pretty trivial.)

And just off the cuff, it does seem like you are locked into your past... I mean, I kept a really detailed journal when I was growing up, going through all that stuff, too. But if I was still writing in such detail about those things (kindergarten??) in my 20s, I'd have to say that I'd be borderline obsessive-compulsive. And believe me, I do overanalyze the past!... but man, you are suffering from serious paralysis-by-analysis.

I highly recommend counseling at your university (I've been there, and I'm still doing that, and I know about half of the graduate students in my dep't are doing it, so don't chalk it up to something for weaklings).

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran