Rodney

I don't know how you get over it, but at least you've identified what it is by the flashback to eighth grade. Where you were told, by the actions of others, that being provocative and flirty was the way to be valued and _you could never be that way, so you were valueless._

That is, of course, a complete lie. But it's also one that our culture reinforces. And when you see her surrounded by men for basically being a desirable and willing sex object, the cultural message hits you like a freight train and tells you "You don't matter. You don't measure up.

But of course you do. You have a loving husband, people who are important to you and who consider _you_ important, responsibilities in life. You have the attention of people who love you for what you are. While your friend somehow needs to attract attention from total strangers based only on what she looks like, not what she is.

Maybe that's why you're mad. You know you have made a fine life, but your friend invokes the old cultural message. Without even meaning to, she's messing with your head, invoking cultural norms that confuse you, make you doubt yourself. And I know that when people mess with _my_ head (intentionally, usually), I get mad.

In about ten years, that's not going to work nearly as well as it does now for her, and she's going to face life without the crutch she's using now. Without any of the resources that you've developed. I would actually pity her.