Strange Famous, I think we'd get along well. I went through almost exactly the same thing not too long ago. Talked to my doctor and ended up with Wellbutrin XL to quit smoking (yeah, that didn't work
). I helped myself come to terms with an antidepressant by telling myself it was to quit smoking. Eventually, after a few weeks of feeling somewhat wacked out, I felt stabilized to the point where I actually got off my overweight ass and got to the YMCA where I thrived off the endorphins. And lost 50 lbs. No one gave a durn how horrible I looked in my "workout" clothes and I could do my own thing with headphones on. I was just too tired and irritated with the human race prior to starting the Wellbutrin. Since my membership ran out, I haven't gone to the gym in about 6 weeks and I can definitely feel the slugishness. It's too hot outside and I make too many excuses. Ah... off to the Y today to renew, I think. I still don't enjoy partying or dancing or all that other crap that the rest of the people my age like to do. But I put myself on a schedule to force myself to have some human interaction outside of work. Tuesdays are laundromat days (avoid depending on this for quality social interactions!), Wednesdays walking the beach, and Saturdays grabbing a movie and heading to my local favorite pub. Alone, of course, but requiring some form of communication and futher honing my social skills.
It seems like such a monumental task to pull oneself out of a hole. I still don't clean my apartment much, but that's been me forever. I bought myself some awesome sheets for the bed, towels for the bathroom and dishes for the kitchen so that there at least something small that I enjoy in each room. Occasionally I get a wild hair up my butt and those little things motivate me to do minor chores like... oh, i don't know, the dishes?
I would recommend talking with someone,
if and when you can. It's tremendously difficult. I'm a reformed mental health therapist and my MDs been trying for months to get me to go to counseling. I won't do it for a number of reasons (excuses) and I've come to terms with that. It's hard and exhausting. And a really long process. I won't wish anyone luck, but more along the lines of faith in ability to improve one's situation. It's not about luck. It's determination. Which is hard to find under layers of dirty clothes, apathy, frustration, and weight. I'm not a slave to my drugs and I forget them at times, but I don't feel horrible that day. I still feel the whole range of emotions but luckily, the one I'm on stops some of that internal chatter that makes me just want to pull a pillow over my head and say "f-- it". Slainte.