Jim is planning on marrying Jan. It seems to me that he's looking for a permanent relationship at this time in his life. After all, searching for permanence is the reason why we date in the first place (horniness aside).
He's wondering whether he loves one woman more than he MIGHT love another woman, but when one is looking for marriage, "Whom do I love best?" is the wrong question to ask. A more important question is, "Who will be my partner in all my undertakings, the person I work well with, the person who will be my best friend and supporter for the rest of my life?"
The idea that marriage is based entirely on love is a relatively new one in human society, and judging by our divorce rate, it's not working too well. Love is hard to define, and many people depend too much on their hormones when deciding who they love. When you're dating someone, it's enough to love them--but when you're marrying them, you need A LOT MORE than just love.
If Jim loves Jan but doesn't have the "partner/best friend/coworker" relationships with her as well, then their marriage may indeed be a bad idea, and pursuit of Mary is understood and probably a good idea. But if Jim does have these other requirements, then EVEN IF he might love Mary more, he should still marry Jan. This is the foundation of marriage and families, and of the true and real love that developes over a lifetime and cannot be predicted or even felt during the courtship stage of a relationship.
__________________
There's no justice. There's just us.
|