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raeanna74 · 09-20-2005, 09:06 AM

Other's have mentioned the post-partum depression possibility as well as couples counseling and such. I will second encouraging those things. I'm not completely sure how you could approach it though. You could possibly set an appointment with her Dr, ask your wife to come with, and bring up the sexual issue. This may not be their expertise but our family practitioners that we personal deal with have dealt with issues for us ina few aspects. Mostly from a physical point of view but since your wife's lack of libido seems to correspond with physical changes or stress on her body it's likely there is a physical connection. It would at least get the ball rolling for her.

Another tact to take came to mind. I'm not entirely sure how much it would help but here's my experience. I was at a point once when hubby wanted sex constantly, asked for it daily, and I had no desire for it. He also was very remote emotionally and absent often. I really focused on trying to change him for several months. Finally I came to the point where I decided several things. 1. I'm not leaving. 2. I'm ignoring his behavior. 3. I'm going to love him anyway.
I can control my behavior and response to him. I began doing things for him, giving him touches when I walked by, hugs when he got home. Doing LOTS of little things to show him that I loved him. All the while I still felt hurt and unloving but I put on the show. Funny thing about it is that I began to realy FEEL like I loved him. He began showing me love in some ways. Pretty soon before I knew I I was ENJOYING sex with him. I dunno for sure if he noticed what I was doing or if he just started responding. Eventually though he wasn't as resentful of me and I was able to sit down and tell him how much I was hurting. At that point he seemed surprised that I was hurt so much. I'm not why it was a suprise. I think my resentment had showed before but once I was being 'loving' and then expressed hurt - I think he realized it was real and not just percieved on my part. What I do know is that while I allowed my hurt and resentment to fester it created a wedge between us. All I changed was my outward actions and eventually the hurt went away. The best part was we were able to reconciled.

I guess what I'm saying is that you can determine for yourself that you will feel love and act loving. Ignore any rejection that you recieve. If she shrugs you off when you try to give her a backrub just stop and tell yourself - I did my part. Walk away and do something busy to distract yourself. I'm not sure how well this will work. You can make a choice not to allow yourself to feel hurt. Remind yourself that somethign is wrong and it's not you. Pity her in that she's afraid to get help and not enjoying a loving relationship.

There's my 2 cents worth - hope it was worth 2 cents at least.

09-20-2005, 09:06 AM	#13 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	Other's have mentioned the post-partum depression possibility as well as couples counseling and such. I will second encouraging those things. I'm not completely sure how you could approach it though. You could possibly set an appointment with her Dr, ask your wife to come with, and bring up the sexual issue. This may not be their expertise but our family practitioners that we personal deal with have dealt with issues for us ina few aspects. Mostly from a physical point of view but since your wife's lack of libido seems to correspond with physical changes or stress on her body it's likely there is a physical connection. It would at least get the ball rolling for her. Another tact to take came to mind. I'm not entirely sure how much it would help but here's my experience. I was at a point once when hubby wanted sex constantly, asked for it daily, and I had no desire for it. He also was very remote emotionally and absent often. I really focused on trying to change him for several months. Finally I came to the point where I decided several things. 1. I'm not leaving. 2. I'm ignoring his behavior. 3. I'm going to love him anyway. I can control my behavior and response to him. I began doing things for him, giving him touches when I walked by, hugs when he got home. Doing LOTS of little things to show him that I loved him. All the while I still felt hurt and unloving but I put on the show. Funny thing about it is that I began to realy FEEL like I loved him. He began showing me love in some ways. Pretty soon before I knew I I was ENJOYING sex with him. I dunno for sure if he noticed what I was doing or if he just started responding. Eventually though he wasn't as resentful of me and I was able to sit down and tell him how much I was hurting. At that point he seemed surprised that I was hurt so much. I'm not why it was a suprise. I think my resentment had showed before but once I was being 'loving' and then expressed hurt - I think he realized it was real and not just percieved on my part. What I do know is that while I allowed my hurt and resentment to fester it created a wedge between us. All I changed was my outward actions and eventually the hurt went away. The best part was we were able to reconciled. I guess what I'm saying is that you can determine for yourself that you will feel love and act loving. Ignore any rejection that you recieve. If she shrugs you off when you try to give her a backrub just stop and tell yourself - I did my part. Walk away and do something busy to distract yourself. I'm not sure how well this will work. You can make a choice not to allow yourself to feel hurt. Remind yourself that somethign is wrong and it's not you. Pity her in that she's afraid to get help and not enjoying a loving relationship. There's my 2 cents worth - hope it was worth 2 cents at least. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.