Two pirates meet for the first time in ages, and Pirate Jim is blown over by Pirate John's new wooden leg, hook hand and eye-patch.
Jim says "Arrrrr, how did you be gettin all o them wounds John Lad?"
"Urghhhh! I gotten my leg snapped off by the biggest shark ye ever did see, arrrrr"
"And yer hand?"
"Well..... That was blowed orf by Admiral Cooper of her majesty's Royal Navy in an ill advised attempt by Cap'n Kidd to take over a ship of the line outside Kingstown"
"Arrrrrr - that be bad indeed, Johnny... and what about your eye?"
"That was a seagull - I looked up at the crows-nest to see why Roger the cabin boy was making such a racket, and the damned bird let one go RIGHT into my eye"
"But still - how'd that cost you an eye?"
"Arrrr - well - you see - erm - it was only the day after I'd ad the hook fitted, and I still wasn't used to it......"
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