bad jane

i think in some cases, that's true. but not always. and even when it is true, i think some people aren't very sensitive to how their comments make others feel.

what you want most, as with any difficult process in life, is support from those around you. life is full of heartache and financial pitfalls--especially when there are kids involved lol

unless you have money to burn, you quickly learn what you are getting yourself into financially regarding fertility treatments. and while i personally haven't been through it yet, i know that it will hurt every time i try and don't get pregnant. i've watched others go through it and it is devestating.

people saying you should just adopt, there are kids needing parents blah blah blah--doesn't help. in some ways it makes it worse because it does imply you are selfish for not taking one of these children in. instead you are wasting time, money and emotion on having a biological child. this is especially true when these words of wisdom come from people who are capable of having children without help. a kid is a kid, regardless of how you come by it you are a parent and isn't that what you want? but that's not true--if it were, we wouldn't bother matching parents to newborns in the nursery. who cares what baby you are taking home, the important thing is you are taking one home, right?

when you say your cousin hasn't even considered adoption, what do you mean? just because she doesn't see it as an option for her, doesn't mean she hasn't considered it. i've had friends and family in the same situation. trying for years to have a child with nothing to show for it but a smaller bank account and lots of tears. some said they didn't consider adoption--but they did, they just rejected it. they didn't need to talk to agencies and fully explore it before knowing it wasn't something they wanted to do. adoption isn't for everyone, and that should be ok. but for some reason, there are people who don't see it that way. adoption may be the more logical choice for people who can't have kids on their own, but that doesn't mean it is always the right choice.

(this has strayed a bit from what the op was looking for, and i apologize for that. but i want to make it clear that i'm not advocating fertility treatments as the only right choice either--adoption is a wonderful option for many people. but just as having a child is a personal decision based on individual circumstances, so is the decision on how to go about it.)