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Originally Posted by ScottKuma
Ratbastid:
While I agree that the enlightened view of "live in the moment" is certainly a lofty and laudable goal, nobody is actually able to do that!
You're postulating that I'm trying to change her....and I suppose to some extent that's true. However, that trivializes the fact that her actions HURT me.
With what you're saying, if someone comes up to me and punches me in the face, I'm to blissfully ignore that pain and not attempt to defend myself or seek justice against the perpetrator?
After all, doing either of the other actions would be to exhibit the grasping/rejecting behaviour that you abhor.
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I didn't say that. I also didn't say I "abhor" that behavior--that would be me "rejecting" the behavior. It simply is. We all do it very, very frequently (maybe not literally ALL the time, but damn close), and it's very human and normal and fine, and nobody's "wrong" for coming from there. And it's the source of all pain, sorrow, and suffering in life. So if you could get some mastery over it, that would be a Good Thing.
I'm offering an alternative place to look from, that's all. Maybe it's not her actions that hurt you. Maybe what hurts you is your thoughts and feelings about her actions. And if so, you've got to ask yourself: whose thoughts and feelings are those?
Please don't extrapolate to punches in the face, because I'm not talking about that. Also please don't feel judged by what I wrote. I really only partially wrote it for you, though I do see application of it to your situation. Hell, ignore it completely if you prefer.
I know that from where you are, it seems impossible that you could just be with all of how she is and isn't, and have that all be fine. I know that because I've very recently BEEN where you are. The situation was different, but the emotional quality was identical. It wasn't until I started to own myself as the source of the emotions that I started to get some freedom, and it wasn't until I got some freedom that I had the ability to alter the situation.