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Old 09-17-2005, 04:00 PM   #4 (permalink)
Mr Honest
Crazy
 
I'm not married (but I am hoping to next year). This has never happened in a relationship with me (but then 2 years was the longest I've been in one so far).

This is a fear of mine. I've already discussed it with the woman I want to marry. We've both agreed that sex is for the rest of our lives except if we are ill.

You don't have any reason to apologise.
I would offer her a massage (unconditional), I hope she enjoys such touching.
Do this a few times, if she never offers to do anything physical back in return it's not a good sign.

Talk to her openly but not aggressively, not in a hostile way.
I'd say something like 'darling I love you, I adore you. I love your smell, your skin, your taste and feel. I feel so hurt when we don't make love. I don't expect sex every day but if we don't show such intimacy for months I feel so lost and upset.'

Suggest to her imagine if there was something she loves you to do and you refused to do it, something so essential to her being that it would hurt her badly if you didn't show her love by doing it.

If you do make love I always love to make my partner feel happy and safe. Whatever turns her on, do it, go down on her, make her comfortable.

overall though make sure you are touching her in ways not intended to lead to sex (hugging, cuddling, holding hands). Tell her you love her and show her whether with notes, doing things for her (making dinner?)

That's what I suggest. Let us know what happens because a sexless marriage is a fear of mine.
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