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When I was younger I decided that this was the way to go .. and that if I was going to kill myself .. i'd juat hvae to get it over with (15 years old). While I hated everything about my life (divorced parents, no social live, slamm lanky kid with no friends etc. etc. etc.. ) I still did not have the guts to actually kill myself .. so i ended up with some pretty F'd up wrists and some pity for a while.
Wihle the pity was actually nice to have as I was getting feedback from people about what I was and the fact that they valued it in some awkward way, I decided that that is not the way I wanted to live, since I had decided that living was the way to go, as there is no telling what you're headed for once its done (i.e. out of the baking pan .. but firectly intot he fire).
As it stands I can see that you feel very down on your lot. My One and only reccomendation:
Do not let other people decide that you have any less value than they do. They may pick on you , but chances are that it is because they are too insecure to embrace you which makes them weak. You need to find within you the confidence to stand up regardless of what others say and know that what you are and what you want is more important than thier petty childish attempts to make you feel inferior, which it just a way for them to feel better.
Never let them make you feel less than a person.
Never let someone take your dignity for any reason.
I dont quote scripture becaue i'm not religieous, but simply, They will get what they give and be just as miserable in thier own stupid ways for treating you like crap. Take everything with a grain of salt and learn to thicken your emotional skin.
I am not sure what elst to include except that even without knowing you, I know your life has value. You have dreams, goals, and needs. Work toward getting what you want, and investigate ways to gain weight .. it might just be possible that there is a medical explanation for this (Thyriod imbalance, Intestinal track abnormalities, etc). Never let your physical condition get int he way of your mind and spirit.
lemme know if you need to talk some more.
Silver Tiger
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