Dungeon_Shade

Ok, I don't want this to seem like a self pitying thread, but I am seriously thinking of commiting suicide.

I am a freshman in college, male, age 19 and I weigh 100 lbs. I am not Anorexic or boliemic. My friends say that I eat alot, and I agree with them, but the eating does NOT bother me. I REALLY want to gain weight. I have tried absolutely everything. I will eat myself sick, I have taken vitamins, I have lifted weights the last year and a half. I have eaten fatty foods, healthy foods, and nothing is working.

Because of my weight, I get made fun of constantly by nearly everyone I meet. I am not able to get jobs, I have yet to be kissed, and people treat me with the respect that an average seven year old would recieve.

This has gone on long enough. A person can take only so much. My teachers all say I am very smart, and most people I talk to say that I have a good personality when I let it show. Unfortunately, since I am in constant fear of rejection and getting the shit kicked out of me on a daily basis, I don't socialize that much. When I do, people turn their heads away, and don't listen to what I say. People will pick me up, and throw me, because I am so light.

This is making me hate myself. I am skinny, socially akward, and very pissed off. And nothing is working. Before I off myself, I am talking to people I trust, and people that I can't see. That is why I am here saying this. Help. I am not brave enough to kill myself yet, but a few more months of this, and I think I will be brave enough to meet the bastard who "made me who I am".

If God exists, I fucking hate him for making me this way. Loving my ass.

By the way, before anyone starts to think that people don't like me because I act depressed, realize that I am hardly ever like this. The thing is, there is just so much one can take.

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"If you can hear this whispering you are dying."- Pink Floyd

silvertiger

When I was younger I decided that this was the way to go .. and that if I was going to kill myself .. i'd juat hvae to get it over with (15 years old). While I hated everything about my life (divorced parents, no social live, slamm lanky kid with no friends etc. etc. etc.. ) I still did not have the guts to actually kill myself .. so i ended up with some pretty F'd up wrists and some pity for a while.

Wihle the pity was actually nice to have as I was getting feedback from people about what I was and the fact that they valued it in some awkward way, I decided that that is not the way I wanted to live, since I had decided that living was the way to go, as there is no telling what you're headed for once its done (i.e. out of the baking pan .. but firectly intot he fire).

As it stands I can see that you feel very down on your lot. My One and only reccomendation:

Do not let other people decide that you have any less value than they do. They may pick on you , but chances are that it is because they are too insecure to embrace you which makes them weak. You need to find within you the confidence to stand up regardless of what others say and know that what you are and what you want is more important than thier petty childish attempts to make you feel inferior, which it just a way for them to feel better.

Never let them make you feel less than a person.

Never let someone take your dignity for any reason.

I dont quote scripture becaue i'm not religieous, but simply, They will get what they give and be just as miserable in thier own stupid ways for treating you like crap. Take everything with a grain of salt and learn to thicken your emotional skin.

I am not sure what elst to include except that even without knowing you, I know your life has value. You have dreams, goals, and needs. Work toward getting what you want, and investigate ways to gain weight .. it might just be possible that there is a medical explanation for this (Thyriod imbalance, Intestinal track abnormalities, etc). Never let your physical condition get int he way of your mind and spirit.

lemme know if you need to talk some more.

Silver Tiger

Stiltzkin

As for the weight issue, I don't know what to tell you. But I can tell you one thing: taking your own life is never the way to go. Please don't.

Johnny Pyro

100lbs.....How tall are you? Ever try weight gainers? You can get them a vitiman shops.

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"From delusion lead me to truth, from darkness lead me to light, from death lead me to eternal life. - Sheriff John Wydell

bennystone

I can't tell you jack about life, primarily because I'm probably younger than you are, but mostly because I'm pretty poor at living it.

If there is one thing I can help you with though, it's weight gain.

I am a bodybuilder and am personally much much better at losing weight than putting it on. It's called being ectomorphic, and it's very common. For skinny people though, it's less often conceived as a bad thing.

I put on 20 pounds in one month once, and I'll outline below the diet that did it for me. I don't know what kind of budget you're working with here, but as a college student I was fairly broke. This is the cheapest plan I ever used and surprisingly the most effective.

The key to weight gain, and particularly building muscle mass is protein. You want to eat, at a minimum, 5 meals a day. I recommend 6 plus, personally. Each meal should contain around 30 grams of protein or more, if possible. Each meal should also contain as many carbohydrates as possible. Carbs are fuel to your cells and will help you in the gym, if putting on muscle is something you'd like to do.

So here's what I recommend specifically for you in the cheapest and most efficient way possible:

Meal 1: 9 AM- 5 eggs, 3 sausage links, one bowl of oatmeal or equally oatty/wheatty cereal in milk (5 eggs is minimum, and if you're healthconscious egg whites are OK! sausage can be bacon if you really want to up the calories, milk can be 2 percent for the same purpose. Also, I like to scramble the eggs and grate cheddar cheese into them to up the calories, protein, and flavor all in one shot. This is a great first meal because it is packed with protein, jump starts your metabolism to boost your energy, and is relatively inexpensive.)

Meal 2: 11:30 AM- Protein shake, any kind of fruit(If you want to gain weight, trust me on this one and buy a big giant tub of protein powder and start mixing shakes. Protein powder seems expensive, but the number of meals you get out of one thing makes it relatively low priced. I know protein shakes taste bad, so I recommend Muscle Milk, particularly Banana Cream flavor. This is the best tasting protein shake I've ever had. To save money on protein powder, I also recommend buying it from gyms rather than stores like GNC where the markup is gigantic. Most gyms sell protein at discounted prices. The fruit in this meal is to add carbs, and depending on the shake you make can mix into it to improve the taste!)

Meal 3: 1 PM- 1 Cooked chicken breast, with rice (Chicken is a great great great source of protein because it's packed in there. If you buy frozen chicken breasts in large quantities at stores like Sam's Club or Cosco, you'll save a lot of money here. I usually cook chicken breasts 3 at a time twice a week, so that I don't spend half my day cooking meals all the time. You don't have to eat Meal 3 with rice, you can use anything really. Pasta, mixed veggies, anything you want. I prefer rice because it's packed with carbs, relatively inexpensive, and quick and easy.)

Meal 4: 4 PM- Another protein shake and fruit meal (I know I'm repeating myself here, but this is the cheapest, and easiest way to pack protein and calories into your day.)

Meal 5: 7 PM- A big turkey/ham/or chicken sandwich, and anything you want on the side (Honestly, if you wanted you could just eat chicken all day long, but I like to get some variety into my day so I don't get bored. If you go to your local supermarket and find a cheap but tasty turkey, you'll find that about a third pound equals 30 grams of protein. This varies from brand to brand and blah blah blah. Just try and eat a 30 gram protein sandwich at 7 pm. If you have Albertsons in your area, go there, they have a great selection of cheap deli meat. You don't even have to put the sandwich on bread if you don't want to. It will save you money, but bread is where carbohydrates come from, so it's carbs or money, depending on which you need more of)

Meal 6: 10 PMish- Another bowl of oatmeal or oat/wheat cereal in milk and cottage cheese (This meal is fairly loose because at this point in the day it's hard to find foods with protein that you want to eat this late.. The required element is the bowl of cereal. I like to go with Frosted Mini Wheats because the taste doesn't suck horribly, and they've got loads of fiber and decent carbs. The milk is essential because it has a good amount of protein and is packed with vitamins that physically active people need. I find that cereal is cheapest at stores like Target and Wal-Mart rather than regular grocery stores, trust me on this one. As for the cottage cheese, I hate cottage cheese and would never eat it. However, it's an amazing source of protein. If you don't like it, try mixing it with fruit like strawberries or blueberries. If that doesn't work for you, just eat whatever you can. In your situation, calories equals good.)


So here's the gist. You want fiber in the morning and evening so you'll be able to crap at least half of the food you're eating. Lots of protein as often as possible. And many many carbs.
Never go more than 3 hours without eating!!!
If you're going to the gym frequently, you will build muscle quickly on this diet. If you're not, you'll at least be gaining weight.
As for the times and all that, don't worry so much about sticking exactly to any of it, it's a guideline. A very very good guideline, but a guideline only.
If you really like cottage cheese or milk, take in lots and lots of it, because that is your best ally. Same thing goes for eggs, if you like them hardboiled, eat them as often as you can during one of those meal slots.

Lastly, just because you're cramming on calories and protein doesn't mean you want to take in lots of saturated fats. I never recommend fast food meals(Subway is ok..) unless you're just looking to put on straight up fat. But you sound to me like the type of person who would rather put on muscular weight, so Protein Protein Protein.

I hope this has helped you at least a little bit. Again, I can't help you with depression or anything like that, I'm no therapist. But let me tell you one thing I have learned. Life sucks. You can sit idly and allow it to suck, or you can change it. Because the world isn't gonna change for you.

Good luck man, and if you need any more advice, I'm your man.

Benny

Quick disclaimer: I don't recommend this to everyone, unless you also happen to be trying to put on lots of weight. This will not help you with any other fitness aspect, nor do I recommend it for any other fitness aspect.

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"In this world of uncertainty there's one thing you can be sure of and that is that you can never be sure of anything."

maleficent

First off, have you been to a doctor for your weight? People who are overweight, would go to a doctor for advice when regular methods don't work, people who are underweight should do the same thing to rule out any medical issues that may be causing it.

your weight is not the sum total of who you are. People have told you that you have a nice personality, when you let it show... That's a good thing, there are a lot of people out there who don't. stick with those people who notice it, they are accepting you -- for you. you don't want to spend time with people who build themselves up by belittling you.

your teachers say you are smart... excellent... there are a lot of people in this world who aren't.

you've got a lot to offer... work with what you do have instead of what you don't have. and als ounderstand that these teenage years, don't last forever... all it takes is one or two people to accept you for you -- and to be your friends and the rest just doesnt matter.

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Rodney

How tall are you? I knew a guy who was 160 pounds -- and seven feet tall. He had arms and legs like pipecleaners, a sunken chest, and liked to wear a t-shirt that read "I HATE BASKETBALL."

It's got to be hard, but here's a clue: if some people make fun of you, _don't hang with those people._ This may cut down your possible circle of friends, but some clubs you maybe don't want to be a member of. The silver lining in your condition is that you know exactly who's an a-hole and who's not. They come right out and tell you.

The teen years are brutal for somebody who's a little different. I came out of them with exactly two real friends, only one of whom I went to school with. After a while, you can get so scarred by what's happened to you that you're not able to reach out to people at all, or even recognize when somebody might be interested in getting to know you better.

This is a hard row to hoe -- the physical issue put you in the position you're in, but the state of mind you've come to because of it, is keeping you from moving forth from your position of isolation and pain. And that's wrong because you really can find people who want you to be part of their lives -- even if you don't physically change a whit.

I'm glad you've written the group, and you've gotten some good advice. I'll give you a little more: go talk to somebody. Not just us: a counselor of some sort. If your college is a large one, counseling services are probably available through student health. If not, Student Services can probably put you in touch with somebody.

You can get so traumatized by the situation you're in that you can't do anything to solve it, because you're afraid that any change or risk you make will just make things hurt even more. But that's not true.

Oh yeah, one practical piece of advice; if you're bothered by your 19-year-old classmates, take as many classes at night as possible. You tend to get a better class (older, more mature) of student there.

shakran

And also give it a little time. You gotta understand that college freshmen are still basically asshole highschool students. Once the people you interact with get a little older they'll have started to figure out that making fun of people out of mean spiritedness is a complete jackass thing to do, and they'll start slowing down on it.

I second the recommendation to see a doctor. If you're eating as much as you say and you aren't gaining any weight, there's probably a medical reason for that, and you might just be able to stop whatever's causing it.

maleficent

...and to put a really mean spin on it (because I can be really catty sometimes)- -when you go back for your 20th reunion, all successfull and such because you're smart... you will be slim and trim, and all those imbeciles who made fun of you will be sporting beer guts that they can't get rid of...

Don't ever forget that it's what is on the inside that counts, and people who make fun of others, are generally pretty insecure people... you don't need them in your life.

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texxasco

Very good advice.... Let the doctors take a good look and determine if there is a medical reason for your inability to gain weight. If there is, then possibly there can be something you can do about it. If there isn't, maybe there are still ways you can gain eventually. At your age lots of people have an extremely high metabolism rate, but for most it doesn't take very many years for their metabolism to slow down...

Regardless of what you weigh, you're ok the way you are. You say your teachers think you are very smart, and people you talk to say you have a good personality when you let it show. Well, judging from that alone, you have two traits that a LOT of people don't. I'd say you have a lot to be thankful for, even though at this rough point in your life it may not seem like it to you. I don't even know you, but I would hate to see you give up and check out. That's not the answer. Maybe if you surrounded yourself with positive people, it might help you see more of what your teachers do, and those that have already commented on your good personality.



...and speaking of reunions. I have gone to my 10th, 15th, and 20th high school reunions (that's all I can go to - I started but never finished college)...and have watched as the majority of my classmates are getting heavier and heavier, and for the men the hair is getting thinner and thinner - bald for many already.

and what maleficent said.... people who poke fun at others, are usually insecure. That's why they run others down to make them feel better about themselves. You don't need negative, insecure people in your life.... nobody does actually. Try changing things up a little, and don't worry about being socially awkward.. Hell, I'll be 41 in a couple months and I am STILL that way. I can handle a tank full of convicts and get them to do what I want.... but put me into a social situation, and I am the guy hanging out by the punchbowl and food table.

You'll be alright if you stick with it man. It'll get better... You did the right thing by talking to somebody - even if it's people you don't know.

One thing I might add is that I would do as Rodney suggested, seek some counseling services at your college, or elsewhere. They know how to put you in contact with people who can help you. You've came this far, and done well... invest a little more in yourself, and it will pay off in the long run. I was contemplating suicide a year and a half ago myself, after a very hard breakup with my ex-wife. Seeking counseling was the last thing I wanted to do, but I decided to try it. In a few short months I not only stopped thinking about suicide, but I came away from those sessions knowing myself a lot better, and most importantly, liking myself again.

Good luck to you my friend..... stick with it, and if ever I can be of any assistance, feel free to ask.

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...A Bad Day of Fishing is Better Than a Great Day at Work!

Mr Honest

hey, I was the most skinny kid at school and after. Girls used to get me to sit on their lap and say I had the boniest ass they had ever felt

For me, a diet of 2 pints full milk, and 3 eggs a day in addition to normal food intake.
Weight training (many repetitions of weights) not a few massive lifts worked. It took time but I went from

112 lbs at 19
168 lbs at 21
196 lbs at 25 ! (sitting down in an office and the weight (fat) piled on.
I'm 154 lbs now and have been for years.

People can be so incredibly cruel in what they say.
The girls I've known have always helped my ego with their wonderful kind compliments and comments.
you take care and I can almost guarantee you will one day have a flabby stomach like most 30 year old guys!!!

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Human beings : who could ever claim to like them all?

absorbentishe

First off, go see your doctor, or another doctor about the weight. Get a referral to go see a phsycologist (sp?). I think you need to talk with someone, face to face to get these things off your chest, and then this person can help you through it. Most university's will offer free consultations, so please take them up on this. If you feel like hurting yourself, go talk to someone.

ScottKuma

SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP.

Please talk with someone - your parents, your college counsellor, your pastor/priest, ANYONE.

Thinking/Talking about suicide is nothing to screw around with. I'd love to give you other advice, but can't...

Get thee to someone who can help, prontissimo.

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A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take from you everything you have.

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noodle

I absolutely agree with all of these astute people. Find someone to talk to. Have a safety person. See a doctor about your weight issues. Some people find that when they're able to focus less on accomplishing a goal and actually enjoy themselves, their body relaxes and the decrease in anxiety/ anger/ frustration can let the body gain natural and healthy weight. I can't tell you how many people gain weight when they fall in love, get a job they enjoy, find happiness. Acupuncture for relaxation and seeing a nutritionist can also help. Find supportive people. I was made fun of for being overweight and as I shed pounds, I shed those toxic people. I feel healthier, inside and out.

Expand your horizons and try hanging out in some of those places where you feel more confident. If you like to read, hang out at a bookstore or coffee shop. You can sit off to the side for awhile... grab a journal and write. Put yourself in situations where you can feel like you're good at something. Go to the quad or central area at school and observe some of the interactions going on between people, if you feel awkward in the social situations. Dress in a manner you feel more confident in as you apply for jobs. Hold your head up when you're walking around. The world appears different when you look people in the eye. I hope things improve for you. I've been there.

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Dungeon_Shade

Thank you all for your support. And for those of you wondering how tall I am, it is 5'6.

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"If you can hear this whispering you are dying."- Pink Floyd

JumpinJesus

There has been a lot of good advice given here so far. I don't want to sound redundant, but everything I had in mind to say was already said. If you can afford a doctor, then I'd definitely see one. A nutritionist might also be an answer. They might have a lot of insight to why you eat as much as you do and still not gain weight.

As far as thinking of taking your own life - it's so very easy for us to sit here and tell you not to because we can see where life will get better and right now your vision is blocked by all the bullshit you're putting up with. Take it from those who have already posted; it does get better. The problem with taking your own life is you never get to see it get better. One day soon you're going to wake up in the morning, look at your friends around you, someone sleeping next to you and be eternally grateful that you stayed with us.

As for dealing with the intellectual midgets, vent. Vent to us, vent to a counselor, vent to your bedroom wall, vent on paper, in the journals here, or anywhere else you feel safe doing so. Getting these feelings off your chest can help immensely. We're all here for you. You belong to a community that houses some of the coolest people on the planet. Use us, but most of all, stay with us.

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"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses