Dungeon_Shade

Ok, I don't want this to seem like a self pitying thread, but I am seriously thinking of commiting suicide.

I am a freshman in college, male, age 19 and I weigh 100 lbs. I am not Anorexic or boliemic. My friends say that I eat alot, and I agree with them, but the eating does NOT bother me. I REALLY want to gain weight. I have tried absolutely everything. I will eat myself sick, I have taken vitamins, I have lifted weights the last year and a half. I have eaten fatty foods, healthy foods, and nothing is working.

Because of my weight, I get made fun of constantly by nearly everyone I meet. I am not able to get jobs, I have yet to be kissed, and people treat me with the respect that an average seven year old would recieve.

This has gone on long enough. A person can take only so much. My teachers all say I am very smart, and most people I talk to say that I have a good personality when I let it show. Unfortunately, since I am in constant fear of rejection and getting the shit kicked out of me on a daily basis, I don't socialize that much. When I do, people turn their heads away, and don't listen to what I say. People will pick me up, and throw me, because I am so light.

This is making me hate myself. I am skinny, socially akward, and very pissed off. And nothing is working. Before I off myself, I am talking to people I trust, and people that I can't see. That is why I am here saying this. Help. I am not brave enough to kill myself yet, but a few more months of this, and I think I will be brave enough to meet the bastard who "made me who I am".

If God exists, I fucking hate him for making me this way. Loving my ass.

By the way, before anyone starts to think that people don't like me because I act depressed, realize that I am hardly ever like this. The thing is, there is just so much one can take.

__________________
"If you can hear this whispering you are dying."- Pink Floyd