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Sweetpea · 09-11-2005, 09:27 PM

Well, i think allot of people have this problem, although most probably try to pretend it's just because they are super nice or overly kind individuals, it's more of a fear of disappointing people... when you say "NO" to someone or a charity or a work function etc. it's often seen as "letting the other person or group down."

Do you feel as though you're afraid of letting people down? Do you fear disappointing people?

I think one of the key things to focus on is that you can give people MORE when you put Yourself first. Self care is very important and it seems as though several individuals at least have been using you for their own personal benefit. Learning to say "no" is an important step in getting your life where you want it or just avoiding people who will use you until there is nothing left for them.

I used to have issues saying "no" to people. I didn't want them to think i was rejecting them and i didn't want to disappoint them, especially at work, this was an issue, because i would always end up taking on more than i could do and my work would suffer because of it. Now i have a job as an assistant physical therapist where my boss always asks me to do extra things, and i've HAD to learn to say "no, i'm sorry, this is the best i can do, i cannot add any extra hours or days." It was difficult at first, but now it's a matter of preserving what little free time i have...

Saying no to people wasn't easy the first few times, but i've found it gets easier over time. Setting boundaries with people right away, whether they be friends or work associates is very important.

I would suggest setting boundaries for Yourself when a situation arises... for instance... when teaching a sport... set the boundary with yourself that you will only help person xyz One time... (if you want to at all). Just make it clear to them and set the boundaries right away "I can help you this one time, but if you still need assistance after that, you'll have to find someone who has more time." And stick to it. If they pressure you (and most people try to pressure you) just stick to what you set for yourself and firmly tell them "no, i'm sorry, i just can't, i have personal commitments."

Those are just a couple examples and i hope they were somewhat helpful.

bottom line: Set boundaries with people right away and if they try to break from those that you have set, say "no" right away.

Sweetpea

09-11-2005, 09:27 PM	#3 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	Well, i think allot of people have this problem, although most probably try to pretend it's just because they are super nice or overly kind individuals, it's more of a fear of disappointing people... when you say "NO" to someone or a charity or a work function etc. it's often seen as "letting the other person or group down." Do you feel as though you're afraid of letting people down? Do you fear disappointing people? I think one of the key things to focus on is that you can give people MORE when you put Yourself first. Self care is very important and it seems as though several individuals at least have been using you for their own personal benefit. Learning to say "no" is an important step in getting your life where you want it or just avoiding people who will use you until there is nothing left for them. I used to have issues saying "no" to people. I didn't want them to think i was rejecting them and i didn't want to disappoint them, especially at work, this was an issue, because i would always end up taking on more than i could do and my work would suffer because of it. Now i have a job as an assistant physical therapist where my boss always asks me to do extra things, and i've HAD to learn to say "no, i'm sorry, this is the best i can do, i cannot add any extra hours or days." It was difficult at first, but now it's a matter of preserving what little free time i have... Saying no to people wasn't easy the first few times, but i've found it gets easier over time. Setting boundaries with people right away, whether they be friends or work associates is very important. I would suggest setting boundaries for Yourself when a situation arises... for instance... when teaching a sport... set the boundary with yourself that you will only help person xyz One time... (if you want to at all). Just make it clear to them and set the boundaries right away "I can help you this one time, but if you still need assistance after that, you'll have to find someone who has more time." And stick to it. If they pressure you (and most people try to pressure you) just stick to what you set for yourself and firmly tell them "no, i'm sorry, i just can't, i have personal commitments." Those are just a couple examples and i hope they were somewhat helpful. bottom line: Set boundaries with people right away and if they try to break from those that you have set, say "no" right away. Sweetpea __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"