Originally Posted by bad jane

i don't have children. but like you and your wife, the only possible way for me is if i go through fertility treatments (which is still a longshot) or if i adopt.

i have considered this quite a bit myself because i would love to have kids but the expense of each means i could likely only choose one or the other option. i've not reached a decision yet as i'm not ready to do either right now. perhaps i'll change my mind when the time comes, but my gut reaction is to say attempt fertility treatments.

adoption is a wonderful thing. i would love to adopt. had life gone as i intended when i started making plans at 5 years old, i'd have a couple kids of my own and adopt a couple more. i don't want my post to be mistaken for saying adoption is somehow inferior to having biological children. both will make you a parent and both are great options with their own rewards.

however, for me personally, part of having children is also going through the experience of the pregnancy. i want to have morning sickness. i want to crave pickles and ice cream. i want to watch my belly grow and my feet swell. i want to feel my child kicking inside me. as selfish as some find it, it's important to me.

i could become a parent through adoption. but a part of me would forever wonder about not having biological kids. would they have looked like me? would they have inherited my interests and abilities? would my daughter have ended up with huge feet like all the women on my mother's side? or would she have been short like the women on my father's side? would my son have gotten that smirk the men in my family seem to be born with? i think questions like these and the desire to experience pregnancy would follow me.

because of my particular problems, the window of opportunity is much smaller for biological children than it is for adoption. so for me, i think i would attempt the fertility treatments first. if that doesn't work, i would be heartbroken, but at least i would know i did everything possible. and then i would again save my money and try adoption.

i feel for you and your wife, it's an incredibly difficult choice that some of us have to make. i wish you the best in whatever you decide.