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You have to talk to your father. I don't believe that your Dad is intentionally trying to destroy the family that he's worked his whole life to build, however that is what his behavior is doing. If you approach him as a daughter who is fearful that her family is falling apart, and needs his help, I think you will have much more success than if you approach him as somebody else who is telling him he is screwed up. Tread lightly, but you must talk with him.
Going to the SIL is in my opinion the absolute wrong thing to do. She has already proven that her interest is not what is good for your family, but only what she wants. Talking to her will only make you the enemy.
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