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You're not an idiot. You're just afraid. We all are (I know I am, so much, too much). But now you are realizing that this isn't the way to deal with the fear. There are better ways... you'll have to find yours.
You're going to be okay.
I like ShaniFaye's idea... that's a pretty solid, unequivocal way to show her your commitment.
Write again soon!
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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.
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