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Thanks for the support. Mostly I'm scared poopless that I'll fail. I'd like my wife to be proud of me though, that would be really great. I don't know that I've ever done anything since we've been together that she could be proud of. I haven't been a drunk the whole time but I haven't really accomplished much either. I mean I do all the usual stuff, keeping a job and the like, I send flowers and tell her I love her but I don't guess I've been a great husband. I should have more ambition and drive, I should help motivate her and myself and keep up my end in the bedroom as well. I really think my alcoholism has kept me from being what I could and should be. Its only been recently that I think I understand. She's tried to tell me but I didn't really "get it" until now. I've been behaving more as a boyfriend/roomate than a husband. The funny drunk guy might be a fun date but a very bad husband. I understood on some level before but now I think I see it in all its depth and its not a pretty picture. Its humbling to realize you're an idiot.
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Thousands of Monkeys, all screaming at once. Pulling God's finger.
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