lindalove

A couple nights ago, my boyfriend (who was not only the longest relationship I had ever had, but also the first person I ever truly loved) cheated on me. ...with my roommate of all people. And right under my nose! I was drunk, though. After they heard me puking in the bathroom, they came out and got me some water and helped me feel better. Then my roommate took me into her room and, sobbing, confessed what she had done. I sobered up so quick but couldn't speak. I wanted to throw her out of the window, though. She told me she was falling for Curt (the bf). Told me he was the first man to ever make her feel beautiful physically and mentally. Well...I'm not suprised. This girl falls in love with anyone who gives her the time of day. She's the biggest flake I know. But to fall for the man of my dreams after I went through hell just to be with him...she's a backstabbing whore. I can't stand the thought of her. She was my best friend and she ruined my life! I sacrificed so much to move 200 miles away from my family to live with her and she screws my boyfriend!

And Curt told me that if he wasn't with me, he'd be with Amanda. Great, but that doesn't answer where his heart is. I don't know who he wants to be with first. And I don't think I'll ever know. Last night while I was sleeping he started massaging my legs. It just made me think of when we first got together. How he told me that I as good as had him. How he was falling for me so quickly. But I don't know why he was doing it last night. I don't know what the message was. "You're the one I love" or "We can still screw around even though I love Amanda first".

I do know...that I may not be sticking around this place for long. But I don't have the funds to move even as far as across the street. 'sides, I don't know anyone here besides Amanda. There's no one I could move in with. I'm completely alone in this state. I want to find a real home.

I feel like I'll never find a place I'll fit into.

And now I definately know for sure that LOVE SUCKS!