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It's a really great idea, but I honestly don't think that you've really thought about what you want to do with this, what you want to say, or where you want it to go.
I really think that Skip and Peggy Sue need to be fleshed out more if you want people to pay attention to them. As they are, they simply appear to be caricatures with no depth, and as such, I don't like them or believe them. I understand why you made them shallow, but the veneer is too thin and not believable.
Also, who are they supposed to represent? We never really get a sense of that. Although it's good to have something in a play that can be interpreted deffirently with different readings and from person to person, there should still be some underlying political or social representation, and you should try to reinforce that a little more.
As for Barney, I don't think he gets the equal time he deserves. I think the number of times he speaks is good, but I think he should be making statements in such a way as to invoke some sense of the desperation and seperation that would exist in such a character. And, just like the others, he really needs more of an identitiy, not just window dressing to deliver a pithy punchline.
I think this could be a 5 minute play instead of 3, and you could develop these characters to really deliver a punch. When Barney concludes with his ultimate wish, it should feel profound and have some real impact. I think it can be done, and I'd love to see a re-write.
As I said at the beginning, this is a great idea, but the first draft was just a bit weak.
Thanks for sharing.
Peace,
Pierre
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There is no such thing as strong coffee - only weak people.
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