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Sultana · 08-20-2005, 09:48 AM

This is an issue I've been trying to deal with too...backing off on the nagging, without lowering my standards. Can it be done? Hell if I know.

Not too long ago whilst in the counseling session, I was complaining about a recent episode where hub picked up the drycleaning, but didn't bother to A) bring it in the house, and when I reminded him to do so, he B) didn't hang it up. Just left it on the bed. I was really annoyed, and told him that I expected him to do the whole damn job when he agreed to do something. He responded that we were supposed to be sharing household responsibilities, and so if he picks up the dry cleaning, I should be willing to hang it up. WTF?? (to his credit, he is now embarrassed by this).

BUT...after telling this story, the counselor told me that if I asked him to do something, and he agreed to, then I needed to stop putting expectations on how he was going to do it, and let him do it the way he was going to do it. To which I responded, "That's Bullshit." and proceeded to argue (civilly and respectfully, of course) against that.

I'd love to get your opinions on that...Am I out of line for having expectations? It's not like I hover nor critique, honestly! But if I ask him to take out the trash (and why do I have to *ask* him to??) should I just suck it up when the boxes that didn't fit in the trashcan aren't also taken out, or if there's no new liner? I know this sounds so petty, lol! but I understand Lurkette's point of view, it starts to say to you, "I don't want to do this menial job, you can do it" or, "I don't care enough about you to do this lowly task properly." Which is not what really being said (on a conscious level, anyways), but after years and years, the tolerances run thin....

I can't see myself just letting something go until he takes care of it, that'd send us to divorce court faster than anything, lol! I'm not compulsive, but I do this crazy idea that I shouldn't have to constantly ask for help, and that I shouldn't have to lower my standards (living with an overflowing trash can, every single dish/glass dirty, etc.).

08-20-2005, 09:48 AM	#10 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	This is an issue I've been trying to deal with too...backing off on the nagging, without lowering my standards. Can it be done? Hell if I know. Not too long ago whilst in the counseling session, I was complaining about a recent episode where hub picked up the drycleaning, but didn't bother to A) bring it in the house, and when I reminded him to do so, he B) didn't hang it up. Just left it on the bed. I was really annoyed, and told him that I expected him to do the whole damn job when he agreed to do something. He responded that we were supposed to be sharing household responsibilities, and so if he picks up the dry cleaning, I should be willing to hang it up. WTF?? (to his credit, he is now embarrassed by this). BUT...after telling this story, the counselor told me that if I asked him to do something, and he agreed to, then I needed to stop putting expectations on how he was going to do it, and let him do it the way he was going to do it. To which I responded, "That's Bullshit." and proceeded to argue (civilly and respectfully, of course) against that. I'd love to get your opinions on that...Am I out of line for having expectations? It's not like I hover nor critique, honestly! But if I ask him to take out the trash (and why do I have to ask him to??) should I just suck it up when the boxes that didn't fit in the trashcan aren't also taken out, or if there's no new liner? I know this sounds so petty, lol! but I understand Lurkette's point of view, it starts to say to you, "I don't want to do this menial job, you can do it" or, "I don't care enough about you to do this lowly task properly." Which is not what really being said (on a conscious level, anyways), but after years and years, the tolerances run thin.... I can't see myself just letting something go until he takes care of it, that'd send us to divorce court faster than anything, lol! I'm not compulsive, but I do this crazy idea that I shouldn't have to constantly ask for help, and that I shouldn't have to lower my standards (living with an overflowing trash can, every single dish/glass dirty, etc.). __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.