bad jane

my ex and i were seperated for several months before getting divorced but it had nothing to do with wanting to make the marriage work--it just took that long to get the paperwork completed, filed and wait for the court to approve it. if we'd had children or any real assets, the process would have been more involved and taken even longer. granted, saying "seperated" can mean anything from "we're having a fight and at opposite ends of town tonight" to "the divorce will be final in 2 hours." not enough info here to know which end of the spectrum this woman is on. but it is quite common for someone to classify themselves as seperated while going through the divorce process. you aren't divorced at that point, you are married but not together--seperated.

rebound is a possibility--but not the only one. emotionally stable people do exist in the world and they don't need rebound relationships to feel better about themselves. i never had a rebound relationship after my ex. the man i started seeing while i was seperated is the man i'm still seeing three years later. my best friend went through a similar situation with her divorce and dating her fiance--she was newly seperated when she met her fiance and now they are planning their wedding. so rebounds may be common, but they certainly aren't standard.

assuming the info in his posts is accurate--she is seperated and in the process of divorcing her husband, where do you get this assumption? she's messed up in the head and playing games at his expense?

i'm not saying this relationship is destined for paradise, but i don't see anything in his posts to indicate it's doomed either or that this woman is somehow dysfunctional or evil because she just happens to be going through a divorce.

i was in this woman's shoes not that long ago. going through a divorce and happened to meet a great guy. i wasn't looking for a relationship, the relationship found me. that's not to say i didn't come out of my divorce with a bit more baggage than the day i started it--but not once did i play any sort of game with my bf. and i was very far from being messed up in the head. the majority of my issues were dealt with long before the actual divorce process started--that's the reason we were getting divorced. if there was a chance in hell things would have worked, i'd have stuck it out. when the marriage hit rock bottom and i knew there wasn't hope, i knew it was time to get out. while figuring that out, i mourned the loss of my marriage and the happily ever after life i'd envisioned on my wedding day.

some of these posts make it sound like divorce happens overnight and it doesn't. it's a process and it takes time to even get to the point where you start looking at divorce as an option. then you have the waiting on paperwork, splitting up the assets and the sluggish court system to deal with. that is lots of time for a person to deal with the issues they may have regarding their marriage and it's demise.