Eowyn_Vala

I can't decide if I'm being uber bitchy lately, too emotional, or if I have a right to feel the way I feel. My fiance has a friend from college. They were really good friends our freshman year, and about half way through when I started dating my fiance things changed a bit. His friend has always been touchy feely, but especially with him. Originally they got together as more than friends but after a few days figured out it wasn't going to work. We were all friends and still were after my fiance and I started dating. I was uncomfortable with her hanging all over him, even though she was hooking up with other guys. It always cycled through, she would hook up with someone, become less clingy to my fiance, break up with whomever, or if they weren't dating it wouldn't work out, and then she'd fall back on my fiance for everything, calling him her boytoy. Towards the end of the year my fiance and I broke up due to our own problems some of it stemming from her.

After a few weeks, we worked things out and during a conversation she asked one of my other friends how they could break us up. I was extremely upset since I still considered her a friend at this point, and so was my fiance when I told him. The next year I rarely saw her in the few months she did stay, and my fiance stayed back in his hometown instead of coming back. We visited each other a lot and she never really came up in comversation or on visits. That New Years Eve I was staying with my fiance for a few days and she came down to visit for a party. Even though she hadn't seen him in a while she was all over him, he knew I was uncomfortable with this and apologized later. I haven't seen her since then and have only talked to her twice. It was a few months later I moved in with my fiance (still boyfriend at that point) and his friend had heard from someone we were getting married. Apparently they still talked via messenger and she called to talk to both of us. I got an earful of why didn't I tell her and so on. I explained we weren't getting married yet although the topic had come up. Once we moved a few months later to a different apartment we no longer had internet so they didn't talk as much.

Occasionally she'll call and talk to him. Sometimes once a month, sometimes more often. I've always been uncomfortable with that but since they are friends I wasn't about to tell him he can't talk to her. I have no problem with any of his other friends who are girls or previous girlfirneds. Amazingly one of his previous girlfriends and I are now pretty good friends and she is one of my bridesmaids. (any problems between that bridesmaid and I lately are not b/c of him or thier past history). So earlier this summer my fiance wanted to go to Worlds of Fun some weekend. A few weeks ago he told me he was asking for this next weekend off (20th-21st) so we could. About 2 weeks ago he told me he got the weekend off and still wanted to go to Kansas City. That's all I knew or heard about until this last Friday the 19th. We had just gotten home from work, he'd had a really crappy day, so had I and we were fighting about something. Somehow the topic of this next weekend came up and he mentioned going to this friends to stay and party with her since it's her 21st b-day. He didn't take off work for me to party for my 21st which was in June. Alreay upset with him, this angers me even more. I told him I didn't want to go, he said fine I didn't have to. I told him he couldn't use my car, to which he said fine he wouldn't go. At this point I felt really bad about that because it's sort of a cheap shot. It is my car but we share everything already financially and so it wasn't fair.

Later after we'd both calmed down and apologized for fighting we talked about his friend and this weekend. I explained all the stuff above, why I don't like her much anymore or trust her at all. Especially if she is going to be drinking. He said he understood. He said he forgave me for being jealous. I guess I am jealous of the relationship they have, it seems sometimes like he talks to her more than me about things, one example would be this coming weekend. I trust him, but I don't want to go. If he goes without me I am left home all weekend without a vehicle and right now he doesn't have a driver's license since he lost his. If he gets it before then great, he's supposed to do that today. But I did tell him that I don't want him going down there alone. I really don't want to go spend time watching them continue as if nothing was ever wrong, and be nice since normally that's how I am, I sometime have a hard time standing up for myself in situations like that, but I have before. And to be honest once people get alcohol into their system, things can get pretty wild. As we both know from certain exeperiences together.

To put is simply, there is a lot of history between them. I don't like her much or trust her at all. I trust my fiance but that might get shaky with the alcohol and her hanging all over him. I don't want to go, but I don't want him to go either. I don't know what to do about all this. She's on the wedding invite list and I didn't ask him whether or not we should invite her. I did that since they are friends. When she asked if she could be a bridesmaid though I did turn her down nicely. Aside from this weekend I usually just try to deal with it. Another reason I was upset about his planning without telling me would me the $ factor. Things are really really tight right now, with the wedding in only 6 weeks and lots of things left to pay for. Rent was late this month, so were the bills, and they probably will be next month. With gas prices even higher now, I don't think this is the best weekend to go. I'm not sure if I will ever be okay with all this, but I do think I'd be less stressed and upset if he went after the wedding. Should I suck it up and deal with it? Should I ask him not to go? Should I let him go but stay home myself? I can't decide because we've never been in a situation like this. We've always been able to work out our problems by talking and compromise, and by letting the small stuff go. It seems like we can't compromise on this problem and it worries me.

And it seems like everything that can go wrong has. Has this happened to anyone else right before they were married? Or is it maybe just coincidence?

__________________
Cain: I know what you're doing. I've lead troops into battle before.
DG: And, how am I doing?
Cain: Well, there's less *hugging* when I do it