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'Tongues entangle the message
Water strangles the passage'
My opinions:
This should be the bookend stanza. Also, the syntax of lines such as 'Expansion deluges in vein' and 'Innovation barrages our loin' contrast too starkly with the much more poetic 'senses mingle with the wind' I think your message is too contrived in its present state. Say what you want to say, then make the words fit around that. Don't let the meter, or simply the aural qualities of the words you choose get in the way.
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