Pan, I have come to know you as a very caring person with deep regard for the potential of all of humanity. But I think you have answered your own question. The about to be Ex was not the wife or the good friend that you would wish for. I think you know that you cannot make her into something she is not.
Bi-polar disease is disabling in many ways and loss of self-confidence is merely a symtom of those issues. 20 phone calls, as I'm sure you know, indicates that mania is in the forefront. You can't possibly support her when she is outside the bounds of self-control.
You know best to what degree you can remain a supportive friend. But she has personal responsibility for her actions, doubts and fears that are beyond your influence to help. I suspect I am preaching to the choir.
Best to Pan in resolving this. I doubt it will be an easy thing.