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Originally Posted by maleficent
You are 20 years old... Where is it written that you have to give reasons for wanting to move out of the house? It's not like you are planning on moving clear across the country, you will probably still be able to see him, and it might improve your relationship.
The paragraph about the friends and the female, I'd leave off... if those are your only reasons for wanting to move, those are the wrong reasons and the use of the word burden, to a man who's been supporting you when he doesn't have to, is really not the picture of maturity you are trying to present.. Talk about independence, and wanting to get out on your own.
Ask your father to help you put togehter a plan so that you can move out on your own and become a man that he'd be proud of.
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It's not "written" that you have to give reasons, but my dad is a very lonely man. He has very few friends due to his temper and his "my way or the highway" attitude. I remember talking to a friend of mine about this, and how I was going on a tangent of how he tries to use my life as a piece of his own. She pointed out to me that I probably am his whole life. He has pretty much given up on having a personal purpose in life. Is that my problem? No. But do I care? Yes.
I know moving out would improve my relationship with him. It improved my relationship with my mother greatly. She and I were like oil and water when we lived together. As soon as I moved out, I was her best friend all of a sudden. As for those reasons, they are not my only reasons for wanting to move, but personal privacy does play a HUGE issue. Not that my dad doesn't have a right to, but he is ALWAYS home. I figure instead of complain about something that won't change, I just leave. Another HUGE issue is his control issues. If he feels he's not in control of those around him, he explodes. His friends are actually afraid of him because they know he can blow up at any second. This leads to incidents last night, when he yells at my friends for no logical reason, but to express his demand for control. I don't deserve that, and my guests don't deserve that. I treat his guests with the utmost respect. I pay the rent and bills, so the least he could do is return that notion.
As for me, I've always been a rebel. I always questioned authority, even when I was in elementary school. I guess my views on parenting have always been different than those of my parents. My personal opinion is children should grow up in an environment that consists of love, understanding, communication, and when needed, discipline. My mother was always the "My mother treated me this way so I'm going to do the same to you!" type of parent, while my dad... he's just a lonely guy who sees himself not in control of those closest to him anymore. His wife left him 16 years ago because of his control issues; my brother moved out before he turned 18 because of his control issues, and me being the rebel, I'm always fighting back. I was the one who never gave in to his or anyone else's control issues. Most of his friends have left him, so he's probably wondering what the heck happpened. The thing is if you try to tell him, he doesn't want to admit that he's not in control, and he'll take offense to anything you say.
It's a very delicate situation. When I was a teenager, I dreamed of moving away and not communicating with my parents at all for the rest of my life. I've since changed my mind. They're not my enemies. But that doesn't change the fact that I just can't live with either of them any more. I just don't want to burn bridges. And it would be nice if my father supported me in this decision, as he doesn't support me in anything else I decide to do (another control thing).