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JustJess · 08-02-2005, 05:12 AM

Wow.
Well, I did my best to avoid those kinds of experiences. Since we got married in the fall, and I love fall colors, everyone picked a fall color they liked and bought their own dress in that color, anywhere, any design - I just asked that it be simple, not shiny... something they might be able to wear again. I did request sleeveless and ankle length, just so that there was some kind of unity. Most people spent about $70 at David's (they had some nice organza dresses, pretty simple).

I ended up with 4 girls plus my sister as matron of honor. Some of them have money, others don't... but they did have to get their dresses and pay for their accommodations. I had one shower, and we did the bachelorette party thing that same weekend. I told every one of them that because I knew how expensive it was going to be for them (all but one from out of town), I did not expect to receive a wedding present from any of them on top of all that. In fact, only one person did give us a wedding present of the girls. And that's fine with me, I really don't care. They went to a lot of time and money and effort to be there for me, and that's what I needed - not another present (lucky for us, Q's family really did the present thing. Whoa!). When I asked them to be bridesmaids, I also gave them the truth up front about costs, and let them know they didn't have to say yes. However, I also told one or two of the particularly cash-flow-challenged that if they were to need a little help with dress/hotel costs, I could probably rustle something up. We did the group hotel rate/discount thing too.

Q had 5 guys plus his brother as best man. They all rented their own tuxes, paid their own hotel rooms, and went totally nuts on his bachelor partIES. Since all of them can more than afford to, yeah, I did/do expect them to do something for a present. Not anything huge... even a card would have been nice. Currently, 4 of the 6 have. One only just last month, but that's cool.

For the wedding party presents, Q did individual things (got a poker chip set for his brother, golf thingies set for another), and I got my girls necklaces and earrings that matched their particular dresses, from a place online that sells handmade stuff in a wide range (of style and cost).

No one seemed to mind any of the arrangements, except my sister. She freaked out about the bachelorette party a bit - the other girls had decided what they wanted to do (drag queen strip show), and it ended up being a little expensive for her (one salary household, and not a big one). That sucked a bit... I am pretty disappointed in how the night went. She took it out on me, but it's not like I planned the evening. I even offered to give her some cash on the sly to help, but she just yelled at me. *sigh*

Just remember... As long as you're being honest, doing your best to be kind to people, and respecting them as much as possible... there's not a lot else you can do. Everyone has expectations of what they think a wedding should be, and sometimes, what they think YOUR wedding should be. You end up being under a lot of pressure at times from many angles. So no, I don't think you're asking too much. These days, most bridal party people have to pay for their clothing and hotel costs. It's nothing unusual. I do think the bachelor parties in Vegas and New Orleans and all that are asking a bit much, as those weekends can easily cost into the thousands. We went to SIX weddings in one year - take it easy on people!! We tried to.

I hope that helps... ?

08-02-2005, 05:12 AM	#3 (permalink)
JustJess Unencapsulated Location: Kittyville	Wow. Well, I did my best to avoid those kinds of experiences. Since we got married in the fall, and I love fall colors, everyone picked a fall color they liked and bought their own dress in that color, anywhere, any design - I just asked that it be simple, not shiny... something they might be able to wear again. I did request sleeveless and ankle length, just so that there was some kind of unity. Most people spent about $70 at David's (they had some nice organza dresses, pretty simple). I ended up with 4 girls plus my sister as matron of honor. Some of them have money, others don't... but they did have to get their dresses and pay for their accommodations. I had one shower, and we did the bachelorette party thing that same weekend. I told every one of them that because I knew how expensive it was going to be for them (all but one from out of town), I did not expect to receive a wedding present from any of them on top of all that. In fact, only one person did give us a wedding present of the girls. And that's fine with me, I really don't care. They went to a lot of time and money and effort to be there for me, and that's what I needed - not another present (lucky for us, Q's family really did the present thing. Whoa!). When I asked them to be bridesmaids, I also gave them the truth up front about costs, and let them know they didn't have to say yes. However, I also told one or two of the particularly cash-flow-challenged that if they were to need a little help with dress/hotel costs, I could probably rustle something up. We did the group hotel rate/discount thing too. Q had 5 guys plus his brother as best man. They all rented their own tuxes, paid their own hotel rooms, and went totally nuts on his bachelor partIES. Since all of them can more than afford to, yeah, I did/do expect them to do something for a present. Not anything huge... even a card would have been nice. Currently, 4 of the 6 have. One only just last month, but that's cool. For the wedding party presents, Q did individual things (got a poker chip set for his brother, golf thingies set for another), and I got my girls necklaces and earrings that matched their particular dresses, from a place online that sells handmade stuff in a wide range (of style and cost). No one seemed to mind any of the arrangements, except my sister. She freaked out about the bachelorette party a bit - the other girls had decided what they wanted to do (drag queen strip show), and it ended up being a little expensive for her (one salary household, and not a big one). That sucked a bit... I am pretty disappointed in how the night went. She took it out on me, but it's not like I planned the evening. I even offered to give her some cash on the sly to help, but she just yelled at me. sigh Just remember... As long as you're being honest, doing your best to be kind to people, and respecting them as much as possible... there's not a lot else you can do. Everyone has expectations of what they think a wedding should be, and sometimes, what they think YOUR wedding should be. You end up being under a lot of pressure at times from many angles. So no, I don't think you're asking too much. These days, most bridal party people have to pay for their clothing and hotel costs. It's nothing unusual. I do think the bachelor parties in Vegas and New Orleans and all that are asking a bit much, as those weekends can easily cost into the thousands. We went to SIX weddings in one year - take it easy on people!! We tried to. I hope that helps... ? __________________ My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.