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I have a brother-in-law who had a teenage boy come into his home due to marriage and was faced with this same problem. Yes he monitored. Yes he talked. Yes the exchange between him and the kid would get heated. But over time the relationship smoothed out and IMO the kid has turned out to be a better person.
Before moving into the home the kid was pretty much left to run his own life. His mother stuck to the 'friendship' parenting style and rarely confronted his inappropriate behavior. He was close to expulsion from school, had a D grade average, was sleeping all day/out all night, lied constantly about what he was doing, drinking/getting high frequently, chatting about 'getting head, getting laid', etc. Many argue that this is 'normal' teen action. Much of it is but it is the extent to which they do it that either makes it normal learning life behavior or behavior that is going to lead to problems.
A kid smoking a joint every now and then is much different then a kid selling pot to everyone else in school. A kid that is 'experimenting' with sexual activity is different then one who is having frequent sex with numerous partners. A kid with the potential to do decent in school but is failing due to lack of guidance/motivation is a waste.
Unfortunately, my brother-in-law found himself parenting a kid who was on the destructive side of this behavior. It was a rough first year but after sticking to his guns about accepting only appropriate behavior the boy is now a B+ student, actively involved in school sports and attitude wise is a pleasure to be around. The mom has also come to realize that strong parenting is necessary as well as friendship parenting. None of us are naive enough to think that he is now an angel, but the teenage 'behavior' is now under control and not negatively effecting his life.
Every child is different and fortunately in this situation the child changed.
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