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Originally Posted by little_tippler
If your SO, who you love to bits, and who loves you too, suddenly tells you that you are sometimes unattractive to him because you've got a slight belly and aren't as toned as you could be?
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See..this I don't understand. Love shouldn't be conditional. Gosh, honey, I promise to love you to bits...as long as you're not bald. I promise to love you to bits....as long as you're skinny.
And even if you do manage to stay aesthetically pleasing to him, what about the things you can't control? What if you had cancer and lost all your hair, would he still love you to bits? Lost an eye? Lost an arm? Confined to a wheelchair? Would he still love you to bits, or would you be 'sometimes unattractive?'
Beauty is fleeting; love isn't. One has to wonder that if one's 'love' is dependent on something as unstable and ever changing as physical appearance, if one is really in 'love' at all?
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Ok, you can put it down to the guy being a bit immature about this, but he says he's just being honest, and if you're in your 20's, why wouldn't you want to look your best, before you grow older and saggier and less firm? Seize the moment sort of thing. You can talk to him and tell him off for being blunt and "too truthful" with you. But that doesn't solve the problem.
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What problem? You said yourself, "And what if you (in my case I'm a girl) actually think you're not unattractive at all, and ok you could tone up a little but it's really not that bad?"
Seems to me that if you're happy with the way you look then the rest be damned. If you want to lose the pudge, then by all means lose the pudge. Don't do it because someone shamed you into doing it. Don't do it because your boyfriend was "just being honest," which, by the way, is the sorriest fucking excuse for making asshole remarks I've ever come across.
"God, you're fat and I'm slightly disgusted. Hey, just being honest, babe."
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And yes this is my situation right now, as you have guessed. I'm just a little confused and don't know how to feel, but I know I don't want to leave and I know I can do something to change the situation (and am doing right now), but how do you forgive or overcome someone you love telling you this? How do you return to "normalcy"?
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This is normalcy? Relationships are about compromise, no doubt about it, but shouldn't he be happy that your happy with the way you look. If he were genuinely concerned for your health and suggested that you lose weight or stop smoking because he was afraid death might come knocking, then that's one thing. That's not the case here, but I thought I should mention...