hello. i'm not sure this is meant to go here so if it isn't feel free to move it. I can't think of a decent way to begin so i'll just launch in to the start. I'm a 19 year old male. I've never been the type of guy to not be able to recognise whether another guy was good looking or not. For instance, once i was talking with a friend about 2 brothers. One is clearly better looking than the other and i asked if he was talking about the uglier one or the better looking one. He claimed he "didnt know which was which". So i guess im fairly open in that way.
Anyway, the other day whilst watching the live 8 concert i ate some magic mushrooms. I saw the singer from the Who and thought to myself "wow, he must be in to his 60s and he still looks great". At that moment a thought hit me. I became absolutely adament i was gay. What made it worse was that i thought the mushrooms wore off a while a go so i thought it was completely true. It was an absolutely horrible feeling as I've never thought i was gay at all. i went out with agirl for over 3 years from the time i was 15 - 18 and broke up with her roughly a year ago. Since then i've had small crushes on one or two girls but they have passed and in all honsety, it took me a long time to get over my last girlfriend and i've not really been interested in seeing anyone else. However, since i had that thought whilst watching live8 i've become a bit different. My interest in sex has decreased (i'm just not horny very much) and i can't shake the feeling i had when i had this 'epiphany'. I've just not a clue whether i'm straight or not or what really. I dont find the thought of having sex with a man appealing at all, but similiarly my desire for women seems to have decreased. I seem to have become disinterested in sex as a whole.
i told my friend but he wasn't much help. just kept telling me that he and none of my mates would care if i was gay or not and that also i shouldnt keep trying to talk myself out of it. and in all honesty i am trying to assure myself i'm not gay. I really dont want to be. I want to have a wife and a family with kids one day, i love women and had a wonderful relationship with my last girlfriend who i honestly couldnt have been more attracted to. Also, this 'epiphany' was drug induced so i'm not sure how much credit it should have.
anyway, i'm not sure what sort of responses this would garner but it feels good to write it all down so i thought i;d see if anyone had experienced anything similar.
cheers
EDIT:
i just did some searching and found:
Quote:
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Some indigenous tribes refer to mushrooms as the divine penis, and there certainly is a connection. Shrooms are not explicitly an aphrodisiac, but they for sure don't cause impotence and just as in daily life sensuality, sex and love often pop up in a psychedelic voyage. Therefore sex is a topic that can't be ignored. It is a bit repressed in our society, but lots of people like to experiment with sex and drugs, in all kinds of combinations and with all kinds of substances. This can be fun although the lust, the libido, on a trip will often come and go in waves, you'll get easily distracted. Especially because we often have deep frustrations and wounds in this area, this can result in deep encounters and unexpected landscapes during a trip. It can be quite scary to see what lives deep inside you, what almost all of us keep secret, while we often condemn it in others. Unsuspected homosexual tendencies can easily startle you. Be reassured, everyone has similar feelings deep down, that doesn't necessarily mean that this will change your `normal' behavior.
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that seems a little reassuring. seems to be saying that other people have possible encountered something similar anyway.
one other thing, this doubt comes and goes. Sometimes i'm sure i'm straight. I went to sweden just last week and was amazed and the volume of beautiful girls who i was attracted to but now i'm back doubt has once again set it. Maybe i just need to find a girlfriend.
Sorry if this is all very melodramatic and immature. I'm kind of just thinking out loud. cheers again.