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Do not go behind her back.
Talk to her. Explain how worried you are.
If she refuses to change - then leave it. Wait for the shit to hit the fan, and then bite your tongue DO NOT EVER SAY "I TOLD YOU SO".
That said - maybe just move the PC into the living room?
Or - TELL him you've put monitoring software on, even if you've not.
Or tell him that he must keep chatlogs and if he refuses, or cannot show them to you, you remove his access.
Or give him unlimited internet access, but do it (a) via dialup, and (b) make him pay for the calls.
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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
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