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It seems to me that you know what needs to be done. It may be against your personality to be aggressive in bed or take control, but I imagine you'll enjoy it once you can get yourself to do it. As far as getting yourself to be more assertive I don't really have any advice to offer. I'll bet it's something that will become easier with time though. If you still find yourself constantly seeking aproval maybe you can talk to her about offering consent along the way so you don't feel as though you are using her or being brutish or whatever.
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"People sleep peacably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf" -George Orwell
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