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As posted in your other thread :
That said, well.. I can't give a lot of advice, really. Talking is a good start, but you need to consider what you can and can't do. Sex shouldn't be forced, nor should it be a chore. A few questions :
Do you have kids? They'll but a big cramp on the when and where.. you won't be able to get down and dirty on the couch (or in the kitchen, or in the shower, or anywhere else other than the bedroom) when the mood takes you if you have to worry about the young 'uns wandering in. But it doesn't need to kill your sex life either. Put a lock on the bedroom door, send them out to an aunt or grandparent or someone for a sleepover. Kids mean you have to plan a bit more which kills some of the spontanaeity, but you can work around it.
How creative are you two? Would she (and you) be willing to try new things, such as toys, bondage, anal, ice cubes.. whatever other crazy idea pops into your head? What about new positions? There are plenty of books on the subject if you two think you may want to experiment a bit and that's a sure way to revitalize your sex life.
Have you been into a sex shop? Make a joke out of it if you haven't. Take an afternoon to tour the shops around your town and check out the toys (some of which are bit absurd). Laugh about the whole thing. It'll get you both thinking in the right direction and you may even see something you like..
In terms of being assertive, you simply have to be confident and trust her. If she's really not in the mood she'll let you know. It's my experience that a lot of women (I'd even go as far as to say most women, although that's only my perspective) seem to prefer the guy to take a leading role, so it may be that she just expects you to take the lead. If you really think she needs to be more aggressive about it too than tell her that. It's a mutual thing, after all. Sex with one person is much less fun.
And finally, a few more specific ideas. Things to try might be surprising her in the shower (or simply taking one together), taking erotic photos of each other, surprising her with candlelight and some massage oil or cooking her a romantic dinner. Check out some aphrodisiacs (such as asparagus, oysters.. umm.. I'm sure someone can give a good list, but I can't think of any right now) and point out to her the different ones you prepared and detail their sexual properties. Once again even if it has no other effect it'll get you both thinking in the right direction. And then there's roleplaying. How about this one :
Pick a bar or club that the two of you have never been to. She can go in a half an hour or so before you, start flirting and having a good time, then you come in and 'pick her up'. If you want the complete experience you can even rent a motel room and spend the night there; the new scenery might help keep it interesting.
All of this is sort of general advice. It may also simply be time to look at some sex therapy. Going to a counsellor is scary and intimidating, but they can help you deal with any issues you may have and breathe new life into your relationship.
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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said
- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame
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