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silvertiger · 07-02-2005, 09:46 PM

Hi all, I have no avatar yet.. but wanted to post.

I just read a post about being sexually assertive (from the femal perspective) and thought I would give my situation and see what thoughts would come of it.

My wife and I have been married for almost 12 years now and, as expected, our sex life has slowed down a bit from being newlyweds. About 2 years after we got married she came to me and asked what the problem was. She thought she was unattractive to me, and was having serious confidence issues. I explained to her that this was not the case , and she explained that I wasn't seeing her advances (or she thought .. ignoring them).

This conversation has played itself out every so often, with other iterations i.e. her confidence was no longer the issue, not it was her libido being greater than mine. i would not agree that her libido is more active.. but that we pari less than we should.

Well, last night we had another one of these discussions. Being open and honest always helps and i was able to figure out with her help that I am "too courteous" of a lover, most of my actions are actually a need for her consent and approval. for the last year I have made a proactive approach to sex, but From my perspective I have been shunned, turned away, or ignored.

Now I know how she felt. Through our discussion she let me know that she'd like to be more spontaneous, and that i shoudl be more aggressive and not worry about consent.

My feelings are in bred and I am just a passive person. I am constantly looking for feedback (positive feedback) so much that i'd rather please her than worry about myself. Not sure if that is strange or what.. but ok. Talking to her is a great start and understanding where we need to work is awesome, but I'd like other people's perspectives.

The point of this post is that I am looking for suggestions on changing my behavior and sexual attitudes to be more "aggressive/assertive" so that we can develop our sexual relationship further.

any advise would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Silver Tiger

07-02-2005, 09:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
silvertiger Tilted Location: Denver	Being sexually assertive (as a guy) Hi all, I have no avatar yet.. but wanted to post. I just read a post about being sexually assertive (from the femal perspective) and thought I would give my situation and see what thoughts would come of it. My wife and I have been married for almost 12 years now and, as expected, our sex life has slowed down a bit from being newlyweds. About 2 years after we got married she came to me and asked what the problem was. She thought she was unattractive to me, and was having serious confidence issues. I explained to her that this was not the case , and she explained that I wasn't seeing her advances (or she thought .. ignoring them). This conversation has played itself out every so often, with other iterations i.e. her confidence was no longer the issue, not it was her libido being greater than mine. i would not agree that her libido is more active.. but that we pari less than we should. Well, last night we had another one of these discussions. Being open and honest always helps and i was able to figure out with her help that I am "too courteous" of a lover, most of my actions are actually a need for her consent and approval. for the last year I have made a proactive approach to sex, but From my perspective I have been shunned, turned away, or ignored. Now I know how she felt. Through our discussion she let me know that she'd like to be more spontaneous, and that i shoudl be more aggressive and not worry about consent. My feelings are in bred and I am just a passive person. I am constantly looking for feedback (positive feedback) so much that i'd rather please her than worry about myself. Not sure if that is strange or what.. but ok. Talking to her is a great start and understanding where we need to work is awesome, but I'd like other people's perspectives. The point of this post is that I am looking for suggestions on changing my behavior and sexual attitudes to be more "aggressive/assertive" so that we can develop our sexual relationship further. any advise would be appreciated. Thanks, Silver Tiger