Mal, Reading back that sounds grandiose. I'm trying to find a balance between doing the right things - not dropping opportunities - and staying sane. Arranging the service and talking to family & friends is helping. It's hard, but people have been very supportive.
Humor is good. You should have seen us with the funeral director. Hope Mom wasn't listening.
chickentribsMy brother and I were talking about traveling today. The "checking out" kind of traveling. Then we look at work to be done and it's just a fantasy. For now. We both thought of it though so I'm betting there's a theraputic trip in our future. Oktoberfest & Ireland come to mind.
Space for myself has been stressful. It's when I come apart again and rehash things I could have done, should have known, etc. I'm sure this is part of my process but damn I want to get past the pain... she deserves the feelings of loss but somewhere in there i'm trying to associate it with good memories and what she'd want for our future. It's a complicated mess of emotions, and that doesn't make it easy to keep myself grounded.
So far the best therapy has been connecting with friends and family, some who've been out of the picture for a while. The sharing of memories, doing little things to honor her, talking about the future... it's all helping. Makes the "fix things" part feel unhealthy in a way, almost vengeful, but she'd want us to make things better for the next person. The healthcare stars have been very supportive. I think we have a chance to make good change... when we're ready.
For now though, you guys are right, it's about us. Supporting, remembering, moving forward. I'm trying.