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First, accept this as one of the challenges of an open relationship. Everything does get a little more complicated and I admire you for your courage to work through it.
Now, I think that you are searching at all the wrong places for love. Wether you're in an open relationship or not, you have to learn to appreciate, accept and love yourself first. Draw yourself inward and look towards Ratbastid for support and most importantly, yourself. I don't think this woman loves you, but I also don't think you love her either. You are just looking for affection and ways to satisfy the attention you need to fulfill something missing within yourself. So take the time to explore what it is you need and let yourself try to answer those things, instead of other people. It's very possible that a woman is out there for you, but it will take time.
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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin
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