lurkette, my dear woman - you're not crazy. It sounds like she doesn't love you (at least enough) to me as well. The part that is hard to learn is that the reason she's not in love with you has nothing to do with you - it's all her. It's something I learned auditioning, actually - I am enough in myself, but sometimes, I'm not what the auditioner is looking for, and that's okay. I'm still wonderful, but the pieces just didn't fit.
That's where I try to find that "inner peace"... believe me, I'm not always successful. I have LOTS of self-doubt/self-image questions and problems... but this is what I try to focus on. Tell yourself this daily, even when you don't believe it:
I AM ENOUGH.
I think D looked like your puzzle piece, but perhaps you don't fit, and it's okay. You're still enough, and more than enough.
The goal is always to have that confidence in yourself for yourself, but until you get there, listen to Ratbastid. He loves you for very good reasons - because you're you. So take that into yourself until you know those reasons even when he's not there. And please, be patient with yourself - you don't have to fix this today. Changing entire patterns of thought and behavior is scary and hard as hell.
You're going to be okay. You don't need
her, you need you.
Hugs and smooches to you - I hope your days get better.
