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I have been on this board for several years, and I find your relationship with Ratbastid to be a model for many to follow. I'm not speaking about the polyamory but in how you two are so simpatico with each other. You and Ratbastid appear to have gone through what many other couples go through to reach a great relationship. You took it to the brink and realized what is really important. Great relationships aren't something you learn about in school. They take time to develop their communication patterns that make them successful in the long-term.
It is perfectly natural to feel insecure in a new relationship. You have one real advantage here to your previous problem with Rat though. You have a person in your corner now that loves you completely and should make you feel loveable. It is so easy to project our insecurities on others and see things that aren't there. Most people are so wrapped up in themselves that they can't really see what is going on with others.
The solution to your problem is to just talk it out with her. Don't do it angrily or when you are too emotional about it. Tell her how you feel. It will either work or it won't. You owe it to yourself not to put yourself through this mental torture. After all you already have what many do not and that is a spouse that totally loves you for you.
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