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a few thoughts, in no particular order and with little guarantee of usefulness.
when was the last time she did something really nice for you? or showed you all the attention you needed?
"I've stopped even trying to be heard." I suspect this bothers you a lot. And it should. I think it may be entirely fair that you tell D that this has been the case.
knowing that we are already loved seems to me to be the prerequisite of relationship. when we aren't certain of this, we do all sorts of strange things to make ourselves lovable. we shut up, we won't shut up, we make up identies, we snipe away at the competition (real or imagined) and we do all manner of violences to ourselves and the people around us... insecurity isn't just a personal failing, or some sort of character flaw. it's the breakdown of that which makes love and relationship possible...and it's the universal human malady.
for me, i find refuge from this in what i believe to be the foundational love of the world, the love of God for all creation. but whether it's family, old friends, whatever...it's finding myself grounded in love that makes anything else possible. i know a lot of good folks care a whole lot about you...so i hope you let their care sink in and feel very real to you. and best of luck with this all..
peace,
-mg
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For God so loved creation, that God sent God's only Son that whosoever believed should not perish, but have everlasting life.
-John 3:16
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