ElwoodBlues

Not sure if this belongs in sexuality or not....has to do with relationships, so I guess so....

So about two months ago, I did a very stupid thing. I had a girlfriend, and I kissed another girl. We broke up under horrible circumstances, and I haven't seen her since. I don't want to get too much into the story, but rather into where I am now

For the two months I could distract myself with school, and friends, but now I can't. I saw her the other night, and we hung out, and everything just came back. All my feelings for her, all the happy memories. And I realized just how stupid I was (even though I already realized I was very stupid) and I realized just how much I missed her and want to be with her again.

This morning I saw her around 4, and tried to talk to her. I told her how much I missed her, and wanted another chance, and basically poured my heart out. We were together for almost a year and a half, and being without her just seems foreign and weird to me.

She told me she doesn't want to be with me anymore. She also managed to poke in that she's now involved with someone new. Which made me feel even worse, because I know who it is. It's some guy who she works with, who always had feelings for her, and in the middle of our relationship he kissed her, and she never told me about it, until several months later.

All this has just piled up, and I don't know how to deal with it all. I can't stand the thought of never being with her again. I've been a complete mess. Smoking way too much, crying way too much, almost crashed into a telephone pole after I saw her (not purposely). I've had these massive fits of rage, smashing things, punching walls till my hand goes numb, and screaming so long and hard I start vomiting. No one here knows me too well, but all those things are extremely uncharacteristic of me.

So I come to my beloved TFP for help and advice. I know I may be a bit melodramatic right now, and making too big a deal of this, but right now it is how I feel, and I can't help that. So I ask for any help, advice, or comments on how to get past this, stop thinking about, and stop feeling like absolute shit.

Thanks in advance

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