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The real issue seems to be that she's hurting you and doesn't realize it. She's keeping you in a 'holding pattern' of sorts, going out and dating together but not getting into a relationship. You need to let her know how much pain this is causing you, because she doesn't seem to right now and isn't going to have an epiphany and pull it out of thin air one day. The only way she'll know is if you tell her.
Sit her down and have a frank discussion with her. Try not to be too aggresive or accusatory, but tell her that it's really beginning to hurt you that she doesn't want to make a commitment. Be open, be willing to compromise and if things just aren't going to work be willing to walk away too. You two may just be looking for different things and if you aren't able to give those things to each other, it may be time to find someone who can. I'm not saying to give up, it sounds like you really care about this girl and I really hope you can work this out; but don't just wait in the wings for her if she's not ready to get into a relationship either. It may be best for both of you if you just move on.
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