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Discipline and punishment
Howdy all:
My SO and I were having a conversation about discipline and our soon to be born son, Jeffery, and I was curious about the views of other parents. In my family, discipline from a young age was important as it helped define the concept of self-responsibility. I spoke to my mother about this and she said that she and my father actively used punishment when I was as young as 1 1/2 to ensure I had ample time to develop a since of responsibility. Punishment usually was isolation according to my mother, in response to unending crying when all physical needs had been met (dry diaper, fed, not too cold or warm) and "wrapping" - bundling me if I refused to obey the rules, such as no crawling on the couch. Obviously these were what she used when I was very young, although the isolation remained a very popular form of punishment for my parents.
My SO believes that a child does not have the ability to develop a defined since of self responsibility until much older (4 to 5), and that until then, punishment is quite useless. The example he uses is if a child breaks a vase. He claims that asking the child "Why did you do that?" is quite useless, because they will be unable to answer the question. Furthermore, asking "Who did this?" is also useless. He claims the best thing to do in this situation would be to show the child the vase, and tell them, "YOU broke this vase.” I've been raised to believe that words are very, very useless, and the only way to emphasize that the child is responsible for the broken vase is to punish them somehow, regardless of age.
I don't want to have an unbalanced approach to discipline, as I believe that causes more problems in a child-parent relationship than anything else. I was curious about how discipline was dealt with in your household, and how disputes over the correct course of discipline were resolved. At what age does discipline begin, or rather, at what age can a child benefit from punishment? Also, do you see a difference between discipline and punishment? The words have been used interchangebly my entire life, and I don't see a difference between them.
At this time, I simply want to work out the best course of action - I'm not stuck on any course of action, nor am I convinced that my upbringing was the best way to do things.
Thank you for your input and wisdom in regards to this, and I apologize for the long thread.
~Liz
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