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Cartuni · 05-25-2005, 04:05 PM

I was a single mom with a daughter who turned into an unrecognizable monster at age 14. I tried everything, but we really butt heads – it’s very difficult when you’re the only parent handing out the rules and restrictions. It was so hard on me, for I really thought I had lost the sweet child I used to know.

A month after she turned 17 I caught her and her boyfriend late one night in her bedroom, half naked. I told them to get dressed and come out to the living room to talk to me, but they bolted out the window. Two days went by with no word from her – very scary. But then I got mad, and changed the locks on the house because I knew she’d try to come back and get her clothes. This forced her to come home and talk with me. After a marathon 8-hour talk, with me listening to her and also telling her the consequences she’d face if she left, she made the decision to go with her boyfriend. I did not let her have any of her things, and told her I would not support her financially except for medical expenses.

She and her boyfriend lived here and there with two other teens for a year – one place was a cabin with no electricity or running water. I kept in touch with her, and she knew she could talk to me or come home at any time (as long as she accepted my rules).

There’s a lot more to her story – pregnancy, marriage, divorce – she’s now 28, divorced, with three kids, and two years into nursing school. She’s an extremely strong, confident and caring person with a terrific, wacky sense of humor. Yes, my sweet little girl “returned”, and we are very close. I’m extremely proud of the woman she has become.

The best thing I did through all of the horrible years was to keep the lines of communication open. I never turned my back on her, and always let her know I loved her even if I disagreed with her choices. Not supporting her (financially) that first year was so hard – I constantly wondered if I was being too harsh. But in the end I think it did force her to accept the full consequences of her decision to leave home at such a young age. She certainly learned how far ‘minimum wage’ goes when you’re trying to live on your own.

My heartfelt good wishes go to you, Demeter. Each child is so different, so I don't have any specific advise for your situation, but I hope it helps a little to know you're not alone.

05-25-2005, 04:05 PM	#10 (permalink)
Cartuni Upright	I was a single mom with a daughter who turned into an unrecognizable monster at age 14. I tried everything, but we really butt heads – it’s very difficult when you’re the only parent handing out the rules and restrictions. It was so hard on me, for I really thought I had lost the sweet child I used to know. A month after she turned 17 I caught her and her boyfriend late one night in her bedroom, half naked. I told them to get dressed and come out to the living room to talk to me, but they bolted out the window. Two days went by with no word from her – very scary. But then I got mad, and changed the locks on the house because I knew she’d try to come back and get her clothes. This forced her to come home and talk with me. After a marathon 8-hour talk, with me listening to her and also telling her the consequences she’d face if she left, she made the decision to go with her boyfriend. I did not let her have any of her things, and told her I would not support her financially except for medical expenses. She and her boyfriend lived here and there with two other teens for a year – one place was a cabin with no electricity or running water. I kept in touch with her, and she knew she could talk to me or come home at any time (as long as she accepted my rules). There’s a lot more to her story – pregnancy, marriage, divorce – she’s now 28, divorced, with three kids, and two years into nursing school. She’s an extremely strong, confident and caring person with a terrific, wacky sense of humor. Yes, my sweet little girl “returned”, and we are very close. I’m extremely proud of the woman she has become. The best thing I did through all of the horrible years was to keep the lines of communication open. I never turned my back on her, and always let her know I loved her even if I disagreed with her choices. Not supporting her (financially) that first year was so hard – I constantly wondered if I was being too harsh. But in the end I think it did force her to accept the full consequences of her decision to leave home at such a young age. She certainly learned how far ‘minimum wage’ goes when you’re trying to live on your own. My heartfelt good wishes go to you, Demeter. Each child is so different, so I don't have any specific advise for your situation, but I hope it helps a little to know you're not alone.