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I know you're saying she doesn't see herself as having a problem. That's why you say "Yes, but I see us as having a problem, and it's a problem that's gonna lead to me leaving if it doesn't get cleared up."
She needs to understand that her behavior, while apparently perfectly wonderful from her point of view, is not acceptable to the rest of the world, most especially yourself.
If that didn't work, I'd pull out my microcassette recorder and tape a few minutes of one of her rants, then play it back later when everything's calm. See if she thinks that she's being rational if she can hear herself.
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