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I think you need to reinforce that even though what she's doing doesn't seem like a problem to her, it IS a problem for you, and for many other people. Her behavior is not normal or healthy (particularly with a child around to pick up on the bad vibes and repeat the behavior).
I like Jess's and Squishor's idea of recording her during one of her tantrums (really, she does sound like she's behaving like a spoiled child) and playing it back for her. It might also help if you had some kind of "intervention" - getting other people in her life who are affected by her behavior to confront her with you. This really does sound extreme, and until/unless she DOES see that there is a problem, I don't see much hope of making a difference.
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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."
- Anatole France
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